I think this year will involve me reassessing my friendships and relationships and recalibrating the amount of effort and affection I spend on them. Does that sound terribly callous?
@sendnoodles That sounds terribly wise, at least if you care about your mental and emotional health (which, as you might guess, I recommend).
@nethope Thank you! I spent a lot of the past year just wondering how and IF I fit in some people's lives and it wasn't a good time at all.
@sendnoodles Comparing notes with my friend Cheryl, we both had an awkward transition period with empty time that used to be filled with those people who made our lives more challenging.
Our recalibrations were to cut ties with people who made us feel bad, especially in subtle ways. (Cheryl stuck with me through a rough divorce: she said she could always feel that I value her.)
So it probably won't be fun to go THROUGH, but the other side is worth it! My interactions make me feel better now.
@nethope I'm kind of feeling a bit...sad? Because I don't have many friends to begin with and cutting out some people will drastically reduce that number. But then again, I don't think I should be sticking with people who treat me like an afterthought or who I feel I have to impress.
I'm glad you and Cheryl have things figured out!
@sendnoodles Once I was happier, I had more time for the better friends, I met their friends, and it's easier now.
My mother was one of the people who would not respect my boundaries (like "don't tell my children not to listen to me, esp when I'm standing next to you!"): that was OUCH. I was sad because I was "sure" that would never happen, but when I approached it methodically, it was too obvious.
Now I can happily say that I *love* my friends! It feels right. Hugs if you want, and Good luck!