Is it okay to be upset at a vital project member for not being there enough any more?
Recently I've been playing on a game server I use to mod for and I now understand why I stopped.
Case study: Last month the server kept crashing. A miscoded mob attack sequence would crash the server ever time we encountered one. It took me ten minutes to push the fix. It took about as many days for the admin to show up and put everything into prod despite the frequent daily crashes.
Second sidenote: I now realise, after a lot of introspective work, that a lot of things weren't right with that project. It did end up making me mentally unable to code for, like, a *year* or so, when all the frustration and emotions and other stuff came crashing onto me.
The only thing I could begin to code after that was my school project for this year and for the first time I felt that spark again where I could create out of my imagination and be amazed when things ran like I wanted them to.
@_sharpLimefox Your feelings are justified. You aren't getting paid enough for this bullshit.
@starbreaker I'm not actually paid either. It's always been all voluntary, for every single developer involved (and we kept it that way). The only person dealing with any money is the admin paying for the infrastructure but they're also running their personal website and database systems on the same VPS (so it's fair enough).
@_sharpLimefox I should have been more explicit, then. When I talk about not getting paid enough for this bullshit, I'm not necessarily talking about wages or a salary. I'm also talking about emotional payoffs.
@starbreaker Oh, I see! Well, I got some fulfilment out of it, as well as a lot of experience working in a group of developers. It did all end up getting to me though (I also joined that project to distract myself from depressive symptoms), and for a long time after a sudden burning-out-like event I could no longer code (even on my own). I'm still apprehensive about joining new projects too..
You're right. I didn't get paid enough for that. I never will be. Yet I'm mostly upset for the players..
I was furious at them. Why? Because they had been pinged a dozen of times on IRC about it, showed up when I wasn't there and didn't notice, then days later finally merged into prod for another reason altogether. It felt like the efforts I put into pulling those old outdated modded servers from oblivion were worthless.
I'm very much waiting for that project to die now. I don't want to work on something when my response to an urgent situation is ignored and end users suffer as a result.