I am me
No more no less
And without love
I confess
Troubled in sorrow
Waiting for tomorrow
I keep divine
In search of mine
To settle the life I borrow
Was it meant for me
To deserve and preserve
The place I wander and follow?
📃✨
//original artwork by Abel Chan Arce https://octodon.social/media/KDr8xqdKUQnXv6VxwU4
@Averly my honest opinion is the "i confess" at the end of the first stanza feels like it was just added to maintain a rhyming pattern. it doesn't really add anything to me tagged on like that...
i think:
this is me, no more no less
and i confess, i am w/o love
...
maybe flows better and still keeps your intention.
we all have different writing styles and cadences though, i'm not knocking yours at all.
@churley79 Right on! Thank you. I was never great at writing, but I do love to read and write poetry.
All of you wonderful creatures here inspired me to share something I felt was really personal, and I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read it AND provide feedback.
Truly grateful. Thank you! 🙏🏻
I can totally relate.
There's some deep, dark stuff from my past, although I'd be happy to share more if people were interested!
Wishing you the best 😘✨
@Averly thanks...i just went back and read one of the ones i wrote when she first told me she wanted to separate. some parts are kind of cheesy. if you want to read it i'll post it...it's kind of long i'll need to break it up in a few different posts. it's never seen the light of day so you'll officially be the first other than me to read it...if you want...
@churley79 Absolutely! I'd love to read it, so long as you're ok with that.
@Averly you ever heard of the band Finch?
@churley79 I don't believe so. Am I missing out?
@Averly they're and older band...i paid homage to them...they had a song called "what it is to burn"... the lyric went:
"Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn"
anyways, you'll see it...
@Averly (1/5)
With a gun to my head I could end it real quick.
All this would be over in the sound of a click.
No longer, would I feel this pain.
No longer, would your thought haunt my brain.
It may be the cowards way out but it'd be over fast.
My future would no longer be affected by the sins of my past.
You can go your way and I'll go mine.
But my way would be over with the click of a nine.
@Averly (2/5)
I ain't scared of taking my life.
What's the difference between that and losing your wife?
Both are examples of a life gone wrong
And either way I'd die alone.
Who determines what's wrong and what's right?
And who would care if I died tonight?
If I did would you even miss me at all?
Or would I just be one less number in your book to call?
@Averly (3/5)
I ain't accusing you of nothing but breaking my heart.
And in the grand scheme of it all I played a large part.
But I want to do better but you want to fly.
Your trying to live is causing me to die.
In your saying I'm being selfish aren't you too?
So what's the difference between me and you?
I broke your heart so now it's your turn?
So now we both know - what it is to burn.
@Averly (4/5)
How is it so easy? I want to know.
What can numb the pain of watching you go?
Do you not have any feelings, is your heart just a shell?
Because this is me living in hell.
@Averly (5/5)
I want to be happy and smile too.
But I won't be able without you.
So you go on and live your life,
But before you go would please take your knife?
It's still where you left it last.
Stuck in my back - stuck in the past.
The memories now are all I have to look forward to.
Now that I'm looking at a future without you.
@Averly pretty cheesy, huh?
@churley79 FVCK MAN!
That was brilliant!
It hit home really hard, and I especially liked the 4/5 part.
Seriously bravo! 😀👌🏻
That was both really intense and beautiful. I definitely love what you wrote!
@Averly thank you 😳
@Averly i used to write poetry quite a lot when i was younger, i sort of used it as therapy. my parents would complain that it was too dark. admittedly...it can be dark.
when i got older, i didn't write like i once did. but when my wife and i separated i wrote a bit on my bad days when i was feeling like everything was falling apart.