@Averly Wow, couldn't have said it better myself. Lonely when I'm alone, and when I'm around others I can't wait to be by myself. A vicious, self-feeding cycle, like you said.
The past few years, I've fallen into my imagination for company. Writing, art, places I can be on my own terms. Before that, it was a balancing act between living without fear, or finding a way to just get out. A scary place to be, as you know. Creativity gives me something bigger than myself and my problems.
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@Averly Take it easy. Life is full of surprises. Not all of them are good. Not all of them are bad.
I'm near 40 years old and so many strange things happened until now.
I've been very down lately. But I keep winning myself at every turn. Getting better, you know. Getting stronger. Sometimes we just need to turn off from the world and spend some time with our thoughts.
Growth is there. You just have to find it. 🙂