**Aicaya ⚧** @Aicaya · Jan 20, 2018, 19:23

**Aicaya ⚧** @Aicaya · Jan 20, 2018, 19:23

Aicaya ⚧ @Aicaya

Jan 20, 2018, 19:23

No matter how much I ponder and note the factors that were out of my control (mostly involving my health), I still can't help but feel I failed horrendously at life.

Puerto Rico is a trap designed to keep you from ever leaving. Ludicrous prices, stupid-high crime rates, hurricanes, weak infrastructure—all designed to keep you from saving what you earn. Leaving for the mainland is the easiest out and in 2008 I took it.

And then I let myself slip, got evicted and got punted back here.

**Aicaya ⚧** @Aicaya · 2018-01-20T19:30:24Z

Aicaya ⚧ @Aicaya

reminiscing Show more

Hindsight keeps torturing with the many should'ves that could've prevented all this. Should've exercised more, should've moved somewhere I could more easily walk/take the bus places, should've transferred my ADD prescription to a local psychiatrist before my old one was arrested for pedophilia, etc.

Instead I linger, wing it despite not knowing much of the world and end up with over $20k in debts in a place that won't even let me work and pay it back.

Jan 20, 2018, 19:30 · Mastalab · 0 · 0

**Aicaya ⚧** @Aicaya · Jan 20, 2018, 19:39

**Aicaya ⚧** @Aicaya · Jan 20, 2018, 19:39

Jan 20, 2018, 19:39

Aicaya ⚧ @Aicaya

reminiscing Show more

I keep wondering what it'll take for me to be able to move out again, but every train of thought eventually arrives to "pure luck". Take past year, for example: I order parts for a rig that I could use for work (with help from tge family), mail decides to delay their arrival until months later, the build ends up unusable due to a bad part, I spend months more saving up for a replacement and the moment I get it and start working we get two hurricanes and a months-long blackout.

**Aicaya ⚧** @Aicaya · Jan 20, 2018, 19:49

**Aicaya ⚧** @Aicaya · Jan 20, 2018, 19:49

Jan 20, 2018, 19:49

Aicaya ⚧ @Aicaya

reminiscing Show more

Meanwhile I can't get a job, there's so many police on strike that crime's risen to the point where I can't exercise, the air is thick with pollution from all the generators in this neighborhood so I keep getting sick, and there's so much noise 24/7 because of said generators (which sound like a lawn mower orchestra) that my stress is at an all-time high.

As far as chances of escape go I'm at the mercy of RNGesus and the dice keep landing on 1's.

**Aicaya ⚧** @Aicaya · Jan 20, 2018, 19:50

**Aicaya ⚧** @Aicaya · Jan 20, 2018, 19:50

Jan 20, 2018, 19:50

Aicaya ⚧ @Aicaya

Anyway, pardon the toot barrage, but getting these off my chest both helps clear my head and get my thoughts in order.