noob. Bard. Level 2 (so L1 spells). Which spells are the best choices? Which aren't worth the slot?

Words for people putting graphs in newspaper articles, etc.:

If your data represent a fucking sample from some kind of fucking population and you want to make some kind of fucking implication that you have discovered some kind of fucking information about the population, put some fucking error bars on your fucking points.

I feel somewhat strongly about this.

US politics, stupidity 

That shitshow of a debate... here's my take on Biden: his team analyzed Trump's style, and the way Trump behaved in past debates (i.e., 2016). He doesn't debate; he bullies, bellows, insults, digs, and has a dozen tricks to keep the camera on him so he can repeat his talking points a lot.

So Biden gave as good as he got, which was not nice-looking. He got down in the mud with Trump, a little. I assume his team decided this was less bad than the alternative.

Fucking hell. Why does honesty in relationships with someone you love feel like being pugilectrocuted?

Patriarchal systems need to go away so closeted bisexuals can stop fucking up my life.

#3. If you love something, set it free. Then go about your life and focus on something else. Stop wondering if it will come back to you. As previously established, the odds are clearly against that happening. So don't waste years of your life hoping for the unlikely, and definitely don't become *that person*, all bitter and angry like the world owes you something every day you get nothing back. I know, easier said than done.

#2. If you love something, set it free. Then ask yourself why it wasn't free in the first place. This is about you, not your beloved. This is a referendum on your behavior, not their love or devotion for you. So go find all the things you love and set them free, asshole.

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#1. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. But seriously, think about that shit. Why was this a "maybe I should set it free" situation in the first place? Why are we in that discussion frame? I'm saying there are probably REASONS. And that's why you shouldn't bet the farm on your beloved coming back. Not gonna happen.

And I will never stop loving our daughter. I will do quite a lot to protect her from this shit, which (it seems to me) is bound to get much more ugly before it ever gets pretty.

I guess I have nothing else to say, right now. I hurt every day from this. I know she does, too. There's no good or even (it seems) tolerable way out of this.

Fuck. My. Life.

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And it's gone. She wasted her opportunities in this marriage, but so did I. Instead of pursuing the career I wanted, I spent years trying to get a job near her family. Instead of finding someone who would love me back, I have loved her. Instead of living with someone who loves me as I am, I've lived with her bare tolerance of my personality and neurological annoyances, unlubricated--I now see--by the greasy goodness of passionate love. Fuck everything about this.

Except that I still love her.

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There's no way she stays with me, and the more rational part of my brain realizes that any attempt to try to make her stay is stupid beyond words. Things have sucked for me because they've sucked double for her. She can't be happy, I don't think, being my wife. I hope it lasts a while longer, but who knows? Things move fast.

After a lot of false starts (no, a LOT, and a whole fucking lot of heartache and misery) I found the perfect woman: brilliant, talented, kind, ethical, caring...

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Did I mention she's hot? God dammit, she is, apparently both to me and a very large number of lesbians and bisexual women. In the online forums she frequents she's had marriage proposals (*mostly* joking, natch), offers of gifts, broad hints of other kinds of propositions, I think, and basically a steady stream of flattery and praise that hits her harder than anything I could ever say.

I can't offer her anything she wants as much as that attention. There's no way this lasts.

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But beyond this, she's really miserable, too. She feels she's ignored her identity, knuckled under to the expectations of the least laudable groups in our world, and lost her youth in a misguided effort to be as straight as possible, denying the larger part of her passion and self.

I can feel her scanning for options, exploring her new sexual/identity freedom. She has become pretty popular with a (fairly large) group of queer women online since she allowed herself to open up about her sexuality

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I don't see this ending any way but badly. I try in vain to think of an ending that doesn't tear our daughter up for years. It feels like it will destroy me. Every day there's a new horror of "Oh, Fuuuuuck, that's why she did that," or "that's why that never worked," usually boiling down to the soul-crushing realization that I've invested everything I have--emotional, material, financial, opportunities, everything--in a person who was never going to reciprocate, or maybe even stick around.

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And she longs for something I can never provide (me not having a hoo-ha or boobies, not to mention the large amounts of facial and body hair).

And our daughter loves us, and we love her. DW says she isn't crushing on anyone in real life, and I believe her. God knows I'm not. So far, I appear to have been created as a default-sexual-emotional-faithful, serial-monogamy-at-worst, hetero guy. I want and need that pairbond with a woman, but if I have it, I don't (so far) look for side benefits.

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She's just not that into me. Maybe she was, briefly, in the passion of a new relationship, but that ended in about 2006.

So is she really bi? I think so. To be indelicate, she really likes some key aspects of me being male, sometimes. But if there's a bisexuality scale, I figure she's about 4/5 way over to the "I like the womens" side.

Does she really love me? Yes. However, I'm not sure how passionately. Certainly not as much as I'd prefer, so I long for her in ways she can't fully satisfy.

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The more we talk over the past 2-3 months, however, the more I realize it wasn't standard marital sex-drive mismatch. For one thing, it was never limited to that; I wanted her with all my heart, and she never really returned the sentiment. I had the crushing but confirming experience of hearing her admit that a couple of weeks ago. For another... she's really quite queer, as we are both realizing. We both like soft, delicious women's bodies with roughly the same level of ardor.

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Unfortunately, how she feels is "pretty fucking queer." This isn't a surprise to me, after 15 years. Things add up and get remembered. She has never spoken of any man (including, sadly, me) the way she's spoken of the two women she had intense relationships with before we met. Our sex life followed incredibly familiar heterosexual patterns and I attributed it to SSRIs and us being, you know, people. Luck of the draw. Sucks. Wish she'd try harder, but hard to blame her for neurotransmitter chaos.

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Queer content, male misery 

So now DW kind of starts revisiting identity issues, unknown to me. Around this time, BBC Gentleman Jack happens, and that's the trigger for her.

To her eternal credit, she talks to me about what's going on with her. She's reduced to shaking and tears by every episode. She identifies with Anne Lister so hard she seems a bit frightened sometimes. We start having the best conversations of our marriage: intimate, raw, real. for the first time, I learn how she feels.

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