This was like a sticking point between me and the spouse for a while: like, they'd go on about how it's important to do these things and move on from one's negativity and it wouldn't work for me, and when I asked for that affirmation that I'm not BAD for being fucked up, they'd be like: “Isn't that obvious?”

It's really not. People need to feel like they're okay despite where they are, before they can feel okay to move to something better.