I have said and done things, as a cishet dude. That one time when I made a disparaging remark over yaoi, forgetting that cishet men, too, flock over sexualized lesbians. times when I've crossed boundaries in some scenes. I have been called out. And it hurts when it happens. But you know what? I'm grateful they happened. Because someone took the time to tell me it was wrong. Spent the energy, knowing it was right, AND it was worth it.

I have said, over and over again, that I welcome criticism, and callouts. I also know, and I UNDERSTAND, truly I do, that I am not entitled to it. That the response that someone may have for the shit I say is silence, and a silent note as that person writes me off from being trustworthy or safe to be around. Because calling out people is hard, it's painful, and it's for uncertain benefit.

And you know what? if the other (marginalized) person has written me off for something hurtful I did to them? And I find out later that they have? You know who's at fault? You know who?

Me. Because I did it, I didn't think about them and my privilege, and they didn't feel safe to tell me.