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I've had to deal with grief that I could claim, but this is grief I have to keep private, since he picked someone else. And I don't know how to do this grief.
@stillinhere I am sorry for your loss
@stillinhere Wow - that is an intense story. You're so entitled to your grief - and I imagine it's exascerbated by shock and a ton of regrets. Life is so messy, isn't it? And then all this stuff gets kicked back up in our hearts when folks die. It sounds like you loved him perfectly imperfectly. 
@stillinhere I'm so sorry, that's horrible to deal with. It reminds me of my Mum, when my Dad died. She was with him for 20 years - he left her, she still loved him, but she was no longer his wife. There's such a loneliness in her grieving, it's awful for her. I'm so sorry that this has happened.