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ME (watching the Uncut Gems trailer): i am very interested in this movie

ME (mid-way through Uncut Gems, when one of my favorite Billy Joel songs starts playing): This is the greatest film ever made, and I will never be the same

Got passed by a grown ass woman in a minivan on the way home from work and it had a big red bumper sticker on the back that said "Virginity Rocks!" and all I could think of is what a fucking pervert.

excuse me? waiter? maître d? I'll have the womanicotti tonight. I'm woke.

whats on your mind? thats very bold of you, mastodon, to assume that theres anything floating around in there

remember when jimmy carter went to poland and said he would never come back to the us and he was gonna fuck the poles

I’ve decided to start a for-profit Posting College. Who wants in

lil ugly mane was THE artist of the 2010s. only accepting responses that say “yeah true”

@healyn look at this albert einstein lookin motherfucker, you look like a dog fucked a nerd. go eat a leaf.

hey buddy! way to look like an otter who got his face caught in a kazoo! schmuck!

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object permanence but with my wife's boobs. sorry babe I need to see them again to make sure i saw them

Cognitohazard, Mike Pence 

I need every single fucking one of you to know that there is a narrative podcast based on a manuscript supposedly written by The Actual Fucking VP Of The USA Mike Pence about a totalitarian gay future where a young straight named Mikey becomes the Prophesised Straight Hero to save the day

The writers call it "not only an insult on the entire genre of dystopian fiction but also a disgrace to the very concept of words"

Socrates literally only wants one thing and it's fucking discussing.
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