gнσѕт @skintobone@octodon.social

i start my job tomorrow........ and i'm scared. i'm really scared. in order to calm down i will take an anxiety pill. but until it kicks in i am dying. sdfsdflk

i love the freedom of having my heart open but belonging to no one.

my life changed for the better when i realized love songs could mean more for a variety of people you love instead of just a significant other.

@eifie this was a nice topic to read. i am gender fluid and have a difficult time encouraging people to use he/him pronouns even though i like to receive all pronouns (she/her, he/him, they/them). i think most people consider me cis by default. its also been hard to open up as gender fluid here on mastodon because of a couple lost souls who invalidated that experience by claiming that all nb genders weren't possible or real. thank you.

at the country house there is a large variety of different insects and i've been very interested in learning about their species. at night there is one particular insect that makes a very beautiful sound.

@mirzaba @eifie
yeah, i think its really useful! also revisiting likes can sometimes be a fun experience too

@eifie @mirzaba
you're seeing this article because i "liked" it.

i was on my phone at the time and could only skim the article, so i "liked" it so i could read it later while on my laptop. i do this with a lot of content.

unfortunately twitter isn't private in that regard, and so i apologize for having this appear on your feed.

i have been watching hyena project for a while and trying to closely follow their recent tweets concerning the article.

anyway, thank you. very informative.

my spirituality has been slowly dying, nihilism has taken most of its space. i am struggling to keep it alive.

in hindsight i always liked to believe in reincarnation, and i always liked to believe that the world-wide massacre of wolves ripped us of our real bodies prematurely. a lot of us were not ready to die, we were murdered. we were born in this world with wolf souls, aggravated and hungered, highly disturbed by the social order of humans. most of us outcasts.

I love my partner a great deal but due to his personality disorder he never reciprocates feelings well. I just hope in time that he asks me about it, or something...

He didn't even bother to ask the details of my interviews so he has absolutely no idea about anything. He doesn't know that I had to take an IQ test for one, or that I made my own resume... I guess he doesn't realize how accomplished I feel. I'm so sad about it.

I have an interview with a vet hospital and Petco next week. I feel accomplished but I told my partner and it upset him. I don't know if he believes in me.

cried in every single dream last night. i felt so miserable and ached terribly. upon awakening i am back to the usual apathy. deep beyond this crippling lack of feeling is a strong need to cry: cry for humanity and wildlife alike, for what is occurring at the border, what happens overseas, the suffering of all beings.

I wonder what OR-54 thinks while on her journey across the Sierras. Does she realize she's alone? She has neither recollection of her species history nor does she know the horrors humans have done to her kind. Is she lonely? Longing? Will she ever realize she is absolutely alone?

Whoever came up with the idea "calarts style" is silly and must not understand how artists influence and work with one another at a personal scale.

@eifie

i always accidentally press boost for some dumb reason ahhh.

yeah, i didn't really know what to think as it happened since it woke me up and i was in a daze. the clock was across the room on top of the dresser. i have no other explanation for it since it didn't simply just "drop".

here's the house. just looking at it evokes this sensation of fear.

we had dried blood on our walls and carpet from my mom's numerous suicide attempts. no one could be bothered to clean it up.

there was just a dangerous presence in that house. it was fairly normal to have lights flicker, doors shut and so on but that isn't what scared you.

i think it significantly more intolerable the older i became. i could no longer sleep without the lights on and i still have nightmares about this house. i was very troubled for years after finally moving out.

i grew up in a haunted house.
i'm not quite sure if it qualifies as a ghost but maybe some other entity. we always called it a demon growing up.

one incident where i was up early in the morning at 5 am and witnessed cabinets open in my kitchen.

another while everyone went to the mall and i stayed home, i decided to take a nap and was rudely awakened by my sister's clock thrown at me.

weird, strong perfumes.

don't go into the master bedroom closet, laundry room or garage alone~

@eifie i think for most people, its unrealistic to think someone should draw even once a day. i also imagine my professor and others are trying to train students into being able to pump out artwork in madhouse industrial conditions. its sick how some of the most free-minded and creative people can become slaves to an industry like this. i imagine some people love what they do more than they despise it though, so maybe i'm outwinded when i try to express my own disdain for the "draw a day" crowd.

@eifie when i was taking an art class, the professor had us do 50 drawings in less than 2 weeks. that is roughly four drawings a day. we were supposed to explore new and creative styles while still working on a drawing a day in our sketchbooks. it was hard work and it ended up being more of "what kind of shit can i do in ~10 minutes that is 'new'"? you didn't really get to think about the drawing or how you'd approach it, or even spend any real time per drawing. didn't do anything for me.