Pandou @pandou@octodon.social

j'suis élitiste
j'suis irréfléchi
j'oublie ce qui ont pas mon niveau
je fait que de la merde
et suis un sale classiciste
*deuxième claque en 24h*

Pain in my back again.. ><
( That's ok I had swim 40mn yesterday)

I just bless CBD med and coffee ice cream....

Freezer
Rester conscient dans le shutdown
Sentir les nerfs se lâcher le long de la peau
Les poils s hérisser
Vague de chaleur
Conscience dans l inconscience
Et être debugué par la chérie qui demande si ça va,
Euh ok j aime mon corps défaillant surtout quand le cerveau fait pareil

(Et pas juste une fois, je crois que c'est une demande de dodo)

Just trying to make it more precise, but it's more trash, don't open if you are not in good mood...
http://simp.ly/p/HWYHgM

I guilty and invisible in same time, like it arrange people...

I not my self, to empathy and ethical to have right to live.

Not diseabble because I adpat me all time I can
Not autistic cause compensation
Not broken because the strongest
Not NB trans because to activists
Nothing like a puppet trash...

And don't have the right to do what I want with my life, just see pain and horror all time...

No future for ourselves...

But of I fall, too many people will fall too...

I will be guilty of that...

It will be my guilty again for ever, but I can't change this stupid trash world, what can I do?

I'm guilty for some of theme because my aggressor have used me to have more prey ...

That's not my humain way of life just kill me and my friend now, please stop that torture...

I am too exhausted of all of that, I can't rest sane mentally with all of that (and I don't say all here to night)

That's too many....

I can't exist in this world, I'm not strong enough, but many people say I'm the strongest people they know...

And the "normal people" have fun too trash all of us....

I see people accusate other to be sexual predator and many bad thing, just by rumor, nothing real, just "the man who knows the man who...."
And in the same time defend their friend prove guilty by many fact.

I can't live in this world where invibiling / trashing the other is normally / fun / ok too protect friend (good or bad)

We live in trash like trash...

Live with people who hate themselves more than me and myself, trying to relativize.
Live with my depression like that is a pet, an old good stable friend, when too many people say "you can do it just move be positive"
Live with deseable people who say too many times they have pain, they have work, they have ...
Live with anxious people who appropriate my job because they are to stress I will not presented it good and in the same time say I not autistic.
In a bad world...

Et je suis là assi devant une merveille à chialer comme un con, pétrifié, ne voulant être le souvenir triste de personne...

Rester tenir faire face chaque jour et faire croire qu on y crois, comme une merveille sur l' eau...

Illusion qu est la vie, vaste supercherie...

https://octodon.social/media/u2wlQZCS0MRLfeeFywg

Sortir sur le port et penser au morts...

Sortir dans le vent qui chasse les odeurs familières et maudire cette sirène....

Je veux retourner voir la mer , sentir le sel dans mes narines, le vent froid d été me soulever, me souvenir de sa main sur ma peau, entendre sa voix à nouveau, parler de ce qu'on a pas encore pu,
mais iels sont parties, sans retour....

Je me sens mort au milieu des vivants...

Moment de flip et de bad...

La sirène, l alarme civil.....
Relativiser on est le premier mercredi...

Ce hurlement me rappelle tellement mon grand père et ses guerres...

Mon café refroidi, je vais essayer de sortir, après cette foutu prise de sang et ses 20 tubes, qui me rappelle mon ex moitié et sa douzaine de tubes...