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This is me coming out, I am demisexual.

For a long time I wondered whether I was asexual, but that didn’t feel right. Everything clicked when I read about demisexuality.

So, what is demisexuality? (Hint: it’s not that I’m only attracted to demigods!) I’ll explain below! 1/8

It means I’m not really attracted to anyone until I have some sort of emotional bond and it took me a long time to put the pieces together. I have a low sex-drive, but while I do still feel attraction it just mostly narrative based rather than physical. 2/8

I enjoy romance plots in books/movies/etc because I have time to get attached to characters or couples together (realizing that I was way more invested in Elizabeth Bennet than Mr. Darcy played a big role in the realization that I was pansexual as well) but for a long time I didn’t feel the same response to real life relationships. 3/8

I’ve always felt kind of mystified by sexuality in general and never quite felt what society told me I was ‘supposed’ to feel. I struggled with relationships trying to compensate for what I was ‘doing wrong’ as a teenager and this led to some seriously warped ideas about my self worth. 4/8

I’m not usually physically attracted to people (with the exception of eyes and sometimes voices). Good costuming though? *That* I’m into. Shocking, I know, for a costumer and textile historian. For me, this is partially because of an aesthetic but also because of a social narrative clothing conveys that’s easier for me to parse than attraction to human bodies. 5/8

I was also friends with @cwebber for almost a year before we started dating. We used to joke that we were an ‘old married couple’ before we started dating and it wasn’t until recently that I realized we basically already had a romantic relationship for a long time before we had a physical relationship. 6/8

Then I was in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful, supportive, spouse, and after a while I finally opened a dialogue with @dustyweb about all of this. We’ve slowly been working out our sexualities and gender expression together ever since. 7/8

I debated for a long time whether I should post this. I wasn’t sure there was a point to coming out about a lack of attraction. Especially when I’d already been in a stable, loving relationship for nearly 15 years before this all clicked. The label doesn’t functionally change anything about my life or my relationship. 8/8

But, demisexuality isn’t that common or widely discussed. It doesn’t even get it’s own letter in LGBTQIA+. It took me well into my thirties to figure this out myself. So, I decided to post this in case there’s someone else out there who could relate and is afraid something is ‘wrong’ with them. You’re fine, you’re not alone. 9/8 (oops, miscounted)

Happy pride everyone!

@mlemweb Thanks for sharing this! I realized I was demi maybe a year or two ago, and several of your experiences and feelings certainly line up with my own. It's validating to know that you are neither "weird" nor alone in your weirdness. :blobfoxhappy:

@mlemweb Thanks for posting! I'm not demi myself but strongly suspect (along with other relatives of mine) that someone in our immediate family is demi or ace.

@mlemweb glad you're happy with the awesome person you are and that the two of you have supportive partners in each other!

@mlemweb thank you for sharing. I'm always happy to learn new things.

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