Tired: rm -rf /
Wired: dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda
Inspired: apt install live-config && reboot

This last command will make systemd so mad at reboot that it will hang on fsck forever even if your disks are clean. No console at all, you can only reboot. This package isn't meant to be installed on a normal system. Only fix is to reboot in recovery mode and remove the package.

Took me some time to figure out ;)