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There’s a big fat spider and he’s creepy help

He looks like a jumping spider but he’s big and black with a tan diamond on his butt

jorty (deprecated aspect) @jordyd

I got a picture of him can anyone identify this spider loose in central MA

@jordyd looked him up and it looks like hes got a warrant for his arrest due to assaulting an officer. better watch out the guy seems crazy

@bandie don’t black widows usually have red on them?

@bandie Wikipedia says: “Female widow spiders are typically dark brown or a shiny black in colour when they are full grown, usually exhibiting a red or orange hourglass on the ventral surface (underside) of the abdomen; some may have a pair of red spots or have no marking at all.”

@bandie also, “The male widow spiders often exhibit various red or red and white markings on the dorsal surface (upper side) of the abdomen, ranging from a single stripe to bars or spots.”

@jordyd
*shrugs* I never was good ad biology class

Actually the diamond appears heart shaped tho it’s hard to see in this pic

I THINK I have identified this spider with the help of some googling and I think it’s a “bold jumping spider” also called a “daring jumping spider”. If so bites are rare and not dangerous

I don’t like that they’re called “bold” and “daring” that sounds like a scary trait for a spider to have

“These spiders have been known to jump from 10 to 50 times their own body length”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I don’t want him to be stuck in between the screen and the window because that’s mean and he should live a happy life but I also don’t want to open the window and have him come in or worse jump on me

Does anyone have any ideas about how to release this spider without letting him in the house or having him jump on me