Comcast be like "GET 10 GB+ DOWNLOAD SPEEDS!!!!" with a footnote like "If you wanna send bytes UP, we've got like... a mouse who wears a courier jacket that we can send around to pick up your bytes occasionally. Try not to send too many though, she gets tired."
Me: "I'd like to upgrade my plan." Comcast: "Ah yes, definitely 200Mb down isn't cutting it anymore, you need more down, I understand." Me: "No, can I get like... more than 9,600 baud up?" Comcast: <calls the police>