Comcast be like "GET 10 GB+ DOWNLOAD SPEEDS!!!!" with a footnote like "If you wanna send bytes UP, we've got like... a mouse who wears a courier jacket that we can send around to pick up your bytes occasionally. Try not to send too many though, she gets tired."
Me: "I'd like to upgrade my plan."
Comcast: "Ah yes, definitely 200Mb down isn't cutting it anymore, you need more down, I understand."
Me: "No, can I get like... more than 9,600 baud up?"
Comcast: <calls the police>
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