I have decided that I will never watch Jurassic World. Here are my iron-clad reasons why:

1. The only redeeming factors of the original Jurassic Park were a) the special effects and b) Jeff Goldblum.

2. Accordingly, The Lost World is objectively the best film of the franchise, and JP3 failed entirely because of the absence of Jeff Goldblum.

3. The continued absence of Jeff Goldblum means it's impossible for JW to be worthwhile.

4. I will not waste my time on a Goldblum-less Jurassic film.