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my next door neighbour is having a good old singalong to kate bush

ben Shapiro making a good point, lewd 

you know whats been fantastic for our culture? extraordinarily graphic lesbian sex acts on stage

mans razors are called things like “the Wolfenstein Xillion Blade”. womans razors have names like “Somedays™ Personal Shame”. nonbinary razors are called things like “Mackerel Madness” and “What Happened To The $70,000 We Raised At The Telethon” and “The Hazelnut Man” and “Dog Mystery” and “French Gmail” and “Carole King Ex-Directory Phone Number” and “Super Sausages” and “Mind Your Own Business Andrew” and “Circumference Of The Average Tangerine” and “Booty Slammer” and “Terrible Evening” a

Yes hello I would like you to pick up that steel folding chair and then smack me in the head with it. Cmon n give me a couple good whacks. This happens to the Rock all the time and women love him so just help me out yeah?

mastodon tips to new users 

— remember to take a look at users' bios before following. some ask you not follow unless you've interacted with you before, some appreciate an introductory dm, others do not want to be dm'd by people they don't know, etc
— it's considered good form to cw contentious topics, such as ikea furniture or italians
— the person your mum or aunt is suddenly making long phonecalls to is probably flowless. don't worry about it
— try not to freak out about the giant centipedes. they're mostly harmless
— sometimes during new moon, a green man with three arms will knock on your door and ask for your first-born child. this is der gründreiarmigmann, a german goblin eugen made a deal with early in mastodon's development. just hand him a rock or a seed wrapped in cloth instead

In 1986 some geothermal teams in communist Romania drilled their way into a subterranean world, a world which had been cut off from the rest of the biosphere for 5.5 million years. No food, water, sunlight, or even radioactive particles from the Chernobyl disaster had made it there, these biologist and cavers were the first. It was warm and full of toxic gases, and it had a lake that was absolutely teeming with creatures. This is Movile Cave in Romania.

The cave was filled with 33 unique and endemic species of troglobites, among them were spiders, centipedes, leeches, and many, many isopods. They fed on a thin gooey film of chemosynthetic bacteria on the water and walls, the first known example of a terrestrial chemosynthetic ecosystem.

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Trick or treaters arrive at esvrld's door. Esvrld arrives covered in centipedes. The children are handed chick tracts and are told to go with god's favor, "for the devil ever works to corrupt and to frustrate the raising up of the youth, this night perhaps most of all." When they press the issue, the children are handed mason jars of an unknown jelly-like agar and told they will be prayed for.

i make no attempt to defend myself when you swing your blade and separate my head cleanly from my shoulders. the disembodied head laughs mockingly as centipedes pour out from my neck. you've been played

see, here's the thing: (my eyes roll back in my head, keep rolling, and gradually recede into my head. shiny black centipedes start crawling out from the holes)

My senior citizen son, Thaumiel Jr., has reached a critical mass and has turned into a very small stellar body. Unfortunately while we were celebrating this turn of events, another son, San Francisco Rush: Extreme Racing For The N64, tripped over a centipede and was launched head-first into Thaumiel Jr.'s orbit right at a Lagrange point between him and Earth, and we cannot seem to get him out of it. Hope I raised him well enough for him to take care of himself out there.

a solitary, desperate furry scampering thru the streets of boston at night, me and the ladx chasing them on giant centipedes, hunting the most clout-filled prey...

gun 

if someone tried to shoot at me with bullets, i would simply turn into a swarm of centipedes, thus becoming largely impervious to gunfire

i gently pry open the gift horse's mouth; thousands of spiders, centipedes, moths pour out. 'wow! how did you know i wanted thousands of spiders, centipedes, and moths?'

cw thanos, centipedes 

items i drop when defeated:
— cursed frustum of thanos hog
— blessed potion of eye removing
— centipede eggs
— scroll of gender (cursed 80% of the time)

rearing a giant centipede on pig meat and chilopod growth hormone and letting it loose near a police station

ah, garfield. orange, mondays, lasagna, gay knights, foucault, etc

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