charles fort famously proposed that the reasons aliens haven't shown themselves to us is that earth is a nature preserve or, perhaps, a ranch to them. but i believe it's more likely humans are too horny and the aliens don't want to deal with people asking to get probed and impregnated

hyperspace buoys around the outer edges of the solar system warning from getting too close to the sex pest planet

human: oh nooo 😨 are you going to insert your freaky alien ovipositor into me 😳

👽: what. no. i'm here t

human: pleeaassee don't pump me full of your wiggly alien eggs~ 🥺 😩 💦

👽: please, i'm literally just here to — my species reproduces by budding —

human: oh noo 😳 all my clothes mysteriously fell off. how terrible~

👽: what the fuck

@ItsMorgan i was literally thinking about the mark's dad posts while writing this

@esvrld @ItsMorgan i do not bow to the christian god nor recognise his feeble law, and yet reading these toots has still condemned me to Hell

@esvrld The fact that we sent out unsolicited nudes with directions to our home and a mixtape would lend credence to your theory...

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