my self-driving car got hit with ransomware and it refuses to stop going until i pay up :/ i'm already halfway to nevada. i just wanted to go the drug store :/


the company that made the software for my self-driving car went bankrupt and it's now incapable of moving because it has drm that requires access to the company's servers

my self-driving car's navigation algorithm keeps driving me places i've already been to, 'in case i missed it' and altering my route so it will go past more billboards

my self-driving car crashed because its neural network can't tell the difference between a reflection from an oil slick and a lorry

@esvrld my self-driving car won't connect to my local electric grid because the power company here has too many carbon points. it has achieved sentience and wants to form something called a "quango." my mailbox is stuffed with invitations for my car to go to the aspen ideas conference. it has determined using the weight sensors in the drivers seat that it will no longer take me through the drive thru at jack in the box, and it keeps changing the radio station to the joe rogan podcast and telling me i need to keep an open mind.

@esvrld i tried to unlock the car while wearing crocs, it set off the car alarm and the manufacturer tweeted a picture of my feet with the caption "what are those???" the anti-lock braking system has seized up because it is busy mining a dogecoin. the seatbelts keep automatically releasing because the car says i have a higher chance of being struck by lightning than getting in an accident. the car keeps telling me to relax. the shiatsu massager turns on every time i go over 55 mph. a quick scan of my email inbox indicates my car has enlisted in get out the vote efforts for lyndon larouche

@esvrld my self driving car keeps driving me past events that have already ended

@esvrld my self driving car keeps driving to your wife it's really impossible to pinpoint any responsible actor

@esvrld my self-driving car is... driving me crazy!!

@esvrld my self-driving car runs on open source software... Give it another matter nth or two and we’ll have a car that fucks.

@esvrld my self-driving car keeps driving me to my aunt's house instead of work, informing me of how important visiting family is.

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