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the reason i haven't posted for a week is i've been admiring this art of thanos and papa smurf making out. i consider it to constitute a true wonder in the eyes of god, and would like to extend my heartfelt thanks for @extinct for making it, for @badboy69 for financing the operation like the absolute king he is, and @JohnBrownJr for coming up with the idea

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reminder i have a thing where i occasionally post vignettes i've written wordsmith.social/lightninggard

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never owned online, never horny, never mad. no 'jokes'. 100% raw insight. the esvrld guarantee

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COWBOY DAN, WHILE FIRING HIS RIFLE IN THE SKY: God if i have to die you will have to die!!!
GOD: Who The Hell Is That
ANGEL: that's Cowboy Dan, sir. he's a major player in the cowboy scene
GOD: What

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my cringe phase was just me telling the indie boys at school that oasis were rubbish and asking them if they had heard of animal collective

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my penis is at least 3 miles long and women are scared of it, wwjd?

show me a person who chastises others for asking for money online and i'll show you a person who thinks unhoused people should be punished more

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honestly if you are gonna shame people for "begging" im gonna kick your fucking ass

fedi is literally the only reason ive managed to do things like pay my taxes or afford to replace all the food in my fridge after we lost power for 2 days

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75% of kids in the U.S. between 9-12 play Roblox, the average player of which playing over 2.5 hours a day.

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ah yes i will save artists by (checks note) more capitalism ah fuck sorry

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I made a thing. Slightly better than the last thing, now that I have a good microphone.
It's an SCP video about one of my favourite SCPs, inspired by the Exploring Series YouTube channel.
youtube.com/watch?v=CIiupYu2wO

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Hey, I know most people on Mastodon have forgotten I exist, but, uh...
I need like 300$.
I'm willing to give out some Steam keys from donations.

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if the US government labels something "disinformation", it's a pretty good sign that it's true

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capitalist to need money, in my imo. only a rich person would ask to be given money. my brain is the size of planet jupiter

imagining a guy who's in favour of the amazon rainforest burning because he has it confused with amazon the company

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someone: says any three letter acronym. let's say XYZ

me: ah, xcock and yball ztorture

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local rag had an article with suggestions for what to do with all the money you saved over the past year and i'm like,

oh yeah, there is a significant minority of people who are able to work from home, who didn't lose their job over the past year, or their home, whose lives weren't massively dislocated,

and who were formerly commuting in single cars, dining out, and going to shows enough that the savings of staying home outstrip the massive rises in costs of just about fucken everything anymore

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Make one pro-child miners toot and yuo get canceled--maenwhile everyone's cool witb the HORSEFUCKER

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my charity helps child soldiers in africa by sending american and european children to be child soldiers instead

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