Diana Franchesca ✳️ @dianafranchesca@octodon.social

finally figured out my login for this space eyyyy

after working at the library for a little while I've become hyper sensitive to the people who have to help me in other settings. and like not in a good way; I get a LOT of anxiety about it...when people have to help me and I'm not meeting the expectations of a normal customer service interaction, I feel like such a Burden. but I don't feel that way at work, I'm always happy to help. and still I ask: What Is Wrong With Me

like honestly tho nothing makes me happy anymore my brain is broken. i'm about to leave to ICELAND and i'm sad and annoyed af like What Is Wrong With Me

I MADE A VEGAN MUG CAKE BIHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YUHHHH

So my diagnosis is adhesive capsulitis, and it's gonna take a year and a half for me to recover...even though I have this info I'm still so sad. And I think I'll always be sad. The doctor told me the pain'll get way worse before it gets better and I'm just the saddest thing. I'm upset that I let my stress and anxiety get the best of me. I don't think I'll ever get better.

I'm an Actual Mess hahahaha

I most definitely just cried over how I'm not in Japan or Malaysia. I gotta get out of this country

MY HOMIE FROM MALAYSIA IS HERE YAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

There is something sincerely wrong with my shoulder. I had to get refills on my medication from my traditional doctor, & I wanted to wait a day to start them over again. But that night's sleep hurt like the first day I hurt my shoulder. Even though I flashback to how I hurt myself over & over again in my head, & have so much fear & anxiety of hurting myself again, I was gravely reminded of the agony. I really thought I was making progress...I feel like I'll never recover

And they say nothing exciting ever happens at a library 🙄😑🙃

I'm glad nothing incredibly bad happened, like no one was hurt, but the whole situation was The Most Alarming

I felt like my soul was trying to detach from my body, maybe because the cops kinda scared me more, but when they took the dude outside, the man he spoke at came up to us and told us he was TERRIFIED of him, and that he wished someone would call the cops on the dude. He said the dude kept on looking into his bag as he spoke at him, talkin mad weird things. When I had to leave work I saw the three cops talking to the dude, as if nothing was wrong. I was floored

I still felt far removed from reality a couple hours into my shift, & a person with a Guy Fawkes mask tried to enter the library. My coworker told him he couldn't enter with the mask on, so he took it off. He sat in front of someone he didn't know, & began to talk at him, about some radical ideologies I guess. I didn't hear much of the convo. But it was scary enough for someone to call the cops. Three cops showed up at the branch and asked the dude to talk outside

On the drive to work this morning I felt like I didn't know where I was, I didn't know the time, I didn't know who I was or why I was where I was...& everything was washed out white, like the colors were too bright for me to keep focus. I felt like I wasn't supposed to be going to work, & I felt scared. I even thought, for a second, that I was turning around on the highway. I had a feeling something bad was gonna happen at work, & that I shouldn't have been there

relieved I get to sleep in with no alarm for tomorrow...I can't believe my life has come to this

I haven't laughed like I did today at my doctor's visit in a long time. I just need to be somewhere where the stakes aren't high so I can laugh all the time. I'm tired of being sad and stressed. No matter how much he poked and prodded and caused pain, the doctor still made me laugh so much. And my arm is slightly getting better. He told me in a month's time I'll be able to comfortably raise my arm. Fingers crossed!!

Omg so on the way home tonight there was a sign saying all lanes were blocked on the highway, & we had to take a detour. Because of where I live, the detour didn't affect me as much. So when I took it & exited to my neighborhood, I see this car pulled over with the front smoking white & a lady standing outside. So, naturally, I drove her to a safe place. I would not have seen her if I drove home the normal way, & she would have been standing out there forever with no help. but what is life tho

Mercury goes direct tomorrow y'all 🙃

OmiGAH I need to do laundry #executivedysfunction