More questions for cis guys: why *don't* you wear skirts? They're super practical garments (in some contexts anyway) very comfortable and work really well in the summertime. Like, I know why I don't... I've got so many old fears about being seen as the sissy or the tranny (fuck it: I've been called those slurs enough, I get to use them if I want), and feel like I've taken quite enough beatings for one lifetime already. I kind of assumed that was cis dudes worry too... But is that actually true?
@danielle I don't think it's that explicit or extreme, but I think it sort of boils down to wanting to avoid being excluded from the benefits of masculinity as well as being a target or toxic masculinity. Where "target" isn't as specific as "called gay-as-a-slur" or whatever, but any sort of out-grouping that might materialize from other men.
I want to link in fragility, here. Like... because it diverges from the norm, even with unspecific negative effects, that divergence is enough for most people.
@benhamill Genuine question: do you think that "fragility" is really the right descriptor though? From my perspective it seems pretty rational. I've spent decades trying to hide who I am precisely to avoid being a target. Why was it considered a reasonable precaution when I was doing it as a closeted trans woman, but "fragile masculinity" when a genuine cis dude does it?
@danielle Yeah. This is a valid point. I think I deployed that wrong. It's only fragility if you think wearing a skirt might actually undermine your innate maleness (or whatever). Fragility isn't about what others do or say, is it. It's about what you fear might be true about yourself and other people saying, "Nice pink shirt dude," in a sarcastic way might invoke your fragility, but... Hmmm. This is somewhat complicated. Also parallels with white folks' reactions to race talk.
@benhamill I think that makes sense: if wearing a pink shirt undermines your own self concept and is unthinkable for that reason, that's fragility at work. If you're not personally worried about the shirt, but have reasons to fear ridicule, exclusion or violence from others, I think it's a valid thing no matter who you are. I certainly wouldn't be dressing the way I do if the dysphoria didn't feel even worse.
@danielle Yeah. That scans. Thanks for investigating this conversation. That distinction seems important and I definitely understand it better.