Christopher Lemmer Webber
Follow

Criticism is welcome, but remember to give constructive criticism, which includes consideration of how your criticism will affect the other person emotionally. The golden rule applies: how would you feel if you read the message was directed at you? It's hard for someone to constructively make use of criticism if receiving it is an emotional drain.

@cwebber People need to stop treating conversations like gladiator fights.

@cwebber As an addition to the "how would you feel" rule, I'd add the "if you spent the past # years working on a project and trying your best to make it as good as possible".

It's the emotional involvement with the project combined with the "y u no fix it?" requests that are the most draining.

@cwebber Yes. The "Critique sandwich" as one of my professors suggestion paired with the use of terms like "in my opinion" and " do you think that maybe". Make it a suggestion paired with positives.Also asking the creator's intentions with a piece first helps. Having context of what's intentional and what isn't helps too. :)

@cwebber True in most instances. It's difficult to be constructive about everything, however, particularly if the toot itself is problematic.
Take plagiarism, for example. I'm hesitant to agree that a thief's feelings on being called out should be given much consideration.

@CrazyMyra Sure, and I'm not saying that constructive criticism is the right response to all situations. But assuming a situation where both parties want to cooperate towards a better end...

@cwebber Definitely. It's one of the joys if Mastodon that people can exchange views in a civil manner.

@cwebber I've found that having both positive and negative constructive criticism can help. Not just "I don't like this, you should change it", but also "I do like this. You should keep it the same or expand upon it." :/

@cwebber Funny thing is I find most Americans and Brits are so concerned with not hurting feelings that their criticisms are sugar coated to the point of being effectively useless even honest.

If I were to follow the golden rule I'd be harsh, to the point most people would see it as almost mean. Because thats how I want people to be with me, brutally honest.

The golden rule only tends to work when everyone has the same sensitivities as you.

@freemo @cwebber the golden rule is stupid. People are too different in their disposition for it to ever work.

@animeirl @cwebber @freemo In the short term the golden rule will create conflict. In the long term you will attract people who treat you like you want to be treated and repel different people. At least I think it should work like that.
@ayy @animeirl @cwebber @freemo The golden rule as stated is a simplification for the sake of brevity.

It never in any age meant "if you like spanking, you should spank people". It requires empathy and is just a reminder that the person at the pointy end of your message is a person.

@notclacke @ayy @animeirl @cwebber I'd say that even as a summary it is poorly worded. It should just be "treat people how THEY want to be treated"

@freemo @cwebber @animeirl @ayy I believe that doesn't rouse people to think, not the same way the well-known version does. It's a meme, not an instruction. Also the difference may have been smaller in more conformist societies.

@ayy I dont need to be surrounded by people like me though. Diversity is a good thing.

@freemo @cwebber the people I looked up to growing up taught me the Platinum Rule: do unto others as others would like done unto then.

Although much more difficult to implement effectively without everyone’s cooperation, that’s at least a notch better than the Golden Rule.

@kechpaja @cwebber Thats the rule I tend to follow anyway. Though of course in practice it is a bit more involved than that with a few caveats.

@cwebber

While that is all true, and I do want constructive vs destructive criticism, I do not expect people who give constructive criticism to be aware of how I will feel about it.

I just want them to take time to understand the problem and offer criticism that might just possibly lead to solving the problem they are pointing at. If they can do that, I can get over any bad feels I might have.

@cwebber This is a hard problem, because it comes down to maturity. When you're young, everything is ON FIRE and you're SO RIGHT you can't POSSIBLY ALLOW that person who's SO WRONG to go on thinking the way they think for another second... And then you get some hard knocks, build some self confidence, and get a little older, and you realize that most things are painted in shades of gray, and the exceptions are rare as heck.

Sign in to participate in the conversation
Octodon

Octodon is a nice general purpose instance.