Noëlle the 8-Bit🏳️🌈🎄
It is REALLY HARD to not think of myself in terms of what I can do. And when I run across someone who can do everything I care about better than I can, it's REALLY HARD for me to not think that it would just be better if I stepped aside and didn't bother anymore.
@noelle i relate to this so much. every time i come across someone who's doing the same thing as me it makes me want to do that thing less. the more specific that thing is the worse it is. like, someone making music that's good? not that demotivating. someone making music very similar to my music? makes me feel like the whole thing was a waste
@jk oh, Mastodon has completely turned off my desire to make music and art, and is slowly eroding my desire to write code.
@craigmaloney @noelle i really wish my brain didn't think like this, but i feel like fundamentally people only have a finite amount of time to look at stuff on the internet, so it kinda IS a zero sum game. like, at various points in my life, the more new music i've been exposed to, the less i've cared about or remembered it. i can't get that out of my head when i'm making anything, that the number of people like me making stuff is at least 100x what it was 20 years ago
@jk @craigmaloney Yeah, and the other half of it is: what does it /matter/ if it's me doing the thing? If I do X and someone else does X+1, why should anyone settle for X just because it's me doing it?
@noelle @jk Well, there's two ways of thinking about this.
The first is to think that they do the thing better than you so your voice won't be heard over their awesomeness.
The second is to realize that your voice is special and no matter what the other folks out there do you have your own unique perspective to bring to this.
It's not so much being the best person at the table, it's just showing up and finding a seat.
@craigmaloney @jk Craig, this is nice from an outside perspective, but I need you to understand that my perspective is shouting "WHY THE FUCK DO I DESERVE A SEAT AT THE TABLE?".
@noelle @jk We all do. And then we realize that the table is large and the seats are plenty now that we have the Internet.
I know it's hard. Trust me, I've been there. I worry all the time that I'm going to be performing to an audience of one (and that guy is a real pain). But that doesn't mean we don't keep trying.
Here, come sit next to me. I promise I'll save you a seat.
