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Saw Chocoball t-shirt on Glico birdsite account. "It's only available for a short time!" Reload page, it's gone. Wow, that is short.

so many colorful vegetables at the farmer's market, if only they were edible

My computer is performing its yearly scheduled breakdown. My old laptop still has a extremely noisy fan because Acer welded it to the heat sink (originally it was removable). Tempted to use the angle grinder on it but I only feel like doing it when I need it the most, so I don't.

lost about $60 in groceries in the great power outage of 2017, now I have discovered I am reluctant to stock up when shopping in the supermarket. "How do I know I will not lose these babies? How do I know ... anything?" [FX: zones out for five minutes in aisle bottleneck, blocking at least seventeen people]

Still continually surprised book sellers on popular electronic auction sites endlessly refuse to put the title of the book in the auction title. I'm fifteen parsnips short of a hog county mile, but even to me this seems like a sure way to get relevant eyeballs lamping your junk.

I had a nice easter with a casual all-day drip line of mimosas and tiny peanut butter cups and friends and MITCHELL and petting doggos and cattos. I had to explain what the D.R.E.A.D. card was and why I had one (10% discount at one of 23 participating Harmony House record stores) along with YMCA/Hot Chocolate records (because 10% is 10%).

Found a discarded packet of Cool Lip[R], some sort of tobacco ch[e/a]w-like product from India. The instructions on the packet consist of three bullet points.

* POP it under upper lip
* Wait a few minutes for a TINGLE
* ENJOY the true freshness of tabbaq

Pop, tingle, enjoy. I am prepped.

I want that Barbicide glass jar the Barbicide website only sells a little bleah plastic tub

want jar

delicious blue liquid


Every day I start Mastodon and Federated reaches back about three minutes, but my local timeline is usually about a day behind.

Started to read an article about sarcasm; first example of sarcasm is not an example of sarcasm. [FX: close tab sarcastically]

Thoughtin' Exercise: What if Twitter becomes an instance right now

[FX: 747 attaches itself to hummingbird]

A list of muted users would be handy. At this point I don't have a reason to block; I'm sure in the future I will ... but I've already muted ten or so accounts.

Pin a pointer to your Mastodon account on your Twitter account! It's win-win! YayyyYYYYyyyyyy

Housemate put ice in the dead freezer but left it open, defeating the purpose of saving the food. The food is dead RIP

Okay, new old notifications are rolling in, and power has been restored here. It's a glorious day in which a truck driver totally doesn't try to pick a fight with me, except for that.

Recent Lance Ulanoff columns

"How To Create A Mastodon Instance And Then Smash It With A Hammer"

"I Am Tight With The Shat"

"People Are Faking Verification On A Platform That Does Not Have Verification It Can't Possibly Be A Joke I Will Take This Seriously Because I Need To Pad Out My Column"

Used to be annoyed by pocket calls, now I'm getting pocket flashlight

dude what are you looking for in there