Brittanie Shey @brittanieshey@octodon.social

I want to write an essay about this but it is difficult because I am still peeling apart the layers of my own understanding of my childhood. Because shame and secrecy are the tools of abusers.

"White women ally themselves with white men for what they believe is their own gain, security, and assurance, while not realizing the harm caused by the internalized misogyny that fuels their cognitive dissonance and consequential support of men who abuse women."

But more than anything, I was neglected, while my mom chased me who abused her, in the hopes of finding someone to take care of her forever.

I was never the victim of sexual abuse, but I was often the victim of emotional abuse, and very rarely, physical abuse too.

I grew up with a single mother who was ALWAYS, CONSTANTLY choosing abusive men over her own children.

It's part of the reason the book Bastard Out Of Carolina resonated so deeply with me.

So it turns out that reading about white women voting for Roy Fuckin' Moore is resurfacing a very specific trauma I have form my adolescence.

https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/roy-moore-s-white-female-voters-are-part-long-history-ncna827976

I just watched the episode of Lady Dynamite where Maria's mom meets Scott and tries to psychoanalyze him. It was... difficult to watch.

@reedsandstrings I feel guilty because I am doing the banking rn and just saw husband's purchases. :|

It's hard to buy gifts for your partner and keep them a secret when you share expenses.

I grew up with an emotionally abusive mother whom I no longer talk to. I kinda want to see Lady Bird but feel like it could be a bad idea. Mainly because of those “call your mom and tell her you love her after seeing Lady Bird” hot takes.

Roxanne but every time they sing Roxanne it gets 5% faster

https://streamable.com/f7a34

I need a puppy in my life. But I am terrified of getting the wrong puppy. My soul mate dog, who died last summer was so perfect in every way. What if I get, like, a really dumb dog. Or a dog who is an asshole?

@nivex I deleted Fb form my phone then reinstalled it a few days later because any time I needed to look up, for example, event details I couldn't find them anywhere else. It's gross how dependent we are on it.

@alienghic It's so automatic.

Also, Facebook is what I do when I'm bored, so if I'm that bored while checking Facebook that my automatic response is to check Facebook that is some META AS SHIT social media conditioning/dopamine response.

Sometimes I have Facebook open and I'm looking right at it and then I go to open Facebook in a new tab. Like, that is how AUTOMATIC checking Facebook is for me. #gross

I <3 coffee.

It's one of those days where my to do list is so long that I'm just gonna say fuck it all and go shopping instead.

@MissSnarkerson Thanks. I have an appointment with a therapist next week.