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Avery Edison @aedison

CALLER YOU'RE THROUGH TO DOCTOR MIKE THE MEDICAL MECHANIC WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU???

Hi, first time-long time! I've been trying to construct a homemade scoliosis brace out of a bicycle frame and some empty cans, but I implanted it wrong and now I have a bunch of metal plates sticking out of my back like a stegosaurus. Should I try and remove them, or should I inject myself with some lizard DNA and see how far I can take this?

@aedison *pushes button to forward call to Alex Jones*

@aedison I so hope this is true somewhere. Obviously never remove them.

@aedison Go for the injection. Become the monster the world has needed.

@aedison Well Ed, it can certainly be a rewarding avenue for personal growth, but I'm afraid in the reality of today's kaiju ecosystem it's just not viable in the long run unless you also have access to a nuclear stockpile.

@cdutson the same way every story ends: with the heat-death of the universe

@aedison well I mean sure, but I meant the more imediate story ending. I was so enthralled