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It's been over a year since I've been here! Things have changed a lot! Here's a new

I'm Brad, 33, he/him (mostly), in the US midwest, working on space science hardware (as far as I can get from the military-industrial complex)

I'm into:
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I'm getting into:
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I want to:
- Live in community with friends
- Fully Automated Luxury Gay Space Communism

I want a Warhammer 40k game with playable orks. It would be like Scribblenauts meets Horizon Zero Dawn

Drugs mention 

Getting rip-roaringly high so these grapes will taste even better

Gender self-discovery joke 

The "all these trans girls are so smart and pretty, I hope they don't think I'm a chaser, I wish I were pretty like them" to "Oh." pipeline

Breakup, +/- 

Feeling better and worse about the breakup in alternating ways, but right now, you know what? Fuck her for being a transphobic shit, and getting upset rather finding any fucking empathy and being reassuring when I came out to her.

Definitely shows that she valued the relationship more than she valued me.

I got some gross fingernail polish to train myself to stop biting my nails.

It is, in fact, very gross, and will keep me from biting my nails.

It also makes inserting food into my mouth FRAUGHT.

Breakup, - 

Just once, I'd like a breakup to be, like, a mutual thing, where we realize that we no longer meet each other's needs, and can part amicably

Gender Feels, Breakup, Transphobia, --- 

On the one hand, it's glad to know with crystal clarity where someone stands.

And you know what? Fuck it, not gonna let there be another hand on this one. Fuck that, I hope she finds the help she needs to be less phobic, and to examine her own hangups a little more, but I don't need that energy in my life. Not now, not ever.

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Gender Feels, Breakup, Transphobia, --- 

Came out to my partner as questioning this weekend. She didn't take it well. Radio silence after she left on Saturday.

Then, talking somewhat normally yesterday, she hits me with the, "I'm a mess, I need my relationship not to have blown up. I need my life to have not blown up. You came out to me as trans, you blew up our relationship. You came out to me, you know I'm straight, you knew it would be the end of our relationship and you did it anyway."

Gender stuff, relationship, - 

Talked to my partner last night about the genderfeels I've been having, basically summing it up as "I don't know where I'll land, but I'm going to keep pursuing changes to my own presentation, and keep the ones that feel right."

She did not take it well. The first thing she said in response was, "So does this mean you think you're a woman?" Followed by a bunch of insensitive questions that I legit don't have the answer to right now.

Welp. Didn't expect that.

Virgin Twitter mastodon automatic cross-posting

Chad manually cross-posting, slightly tailored for each platform

I have a shirt that has a realistic crab print, with speech bubbles saying, "Ask for work. If they do not give you work, ask for bread. If they deny you both, take bread. It is your sacred right."

For some reason, boomers fucking LOVE this shirt, but they can never articulate why

Gender Feels, Stuff I've been reading 

Suddenly allowing a part of yourself that you've shoved away for so long into the fresh light of day is a trip, y'all.

As I'm navigating this "letting myself believe that I am trans and believe that acting on that will improve my lived experience" thing, I've found a couple essays that particularly reassure and comfort me:

Imagine how much art we'd have if it weren't limited in purview to the three things that are commercially viable and whatever the independently wealthy come up with

Work Gripe 

New job is still so much better than the old job, but:

I shouldn't have to give an example that happened in my life for you to believe me that a particular technical implementation could be a problem.

If <device> needlessly depends on wireless functionality, I shouldn't have to bring up my wifi-killing microwave to communicate to you that wifi isn't 100% reliable.

I'm digging out my DIY reflow oven from years ago, and finally starting on firmware. Trying out some embedded rust, and so far I'm really impressed with the ecosystem.

I recently started taking a non-stimulant ADHD med, and I'm not sure how much good it's actually doing, but it seems like I'm able to go off-piste more easily wrt habit and routine. My day is less shattered if my morning routine is interrupted, or something unexpected happens.

Food, Indirectly complaining about colonialism in modern foodways 

Being able to muddle through a search in spanish is a little more fruitful, finding a great resource like this:

(And yes, I know that the quinoa trade is ridiculously exploitative to folks in South America, but amaranth is less so, and something I can grow easily in my climate, and has roughly the same culinary purpose, so that's why I'm looking for quinoa recipes)

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Food, Indirectly complaining about colonialism in modern foodways 

One thing I hate about looking for quinoa/amaranth/etc recipes (really, anything with a non-"western standard" base ingredient) is that the only results seem to be ridiculous superfood mashups. "Let's cram as many 'healthy' things in this bowl as possible, without any regard for flavor and texture balance!"

And of course, this is completely related to the erasure of indigenous foodways as a result of colonialism.

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