Breaking Bad ep by ep
Episode 2: I said to my beloved "The tone of this reminds me of Fargo". I am sure someone in the creative team would have brought that up as a source influence.
Spent most of the episode actually feeling physically sick.
Still funny but a strong level of nasty has crept in.
I keep thinking he's going to tell her about the big C. He has to, doesn't he.
Shall I continue doing these? I only know vaguely that Mr White gets nastier
Old engineering ❤️
Waiting for a train, a sudden old-school whistle on the other track, looking around a diesel, dragging a beauty of an old steam engine, with 1 rather lovely carriage. It had steam, and was puffing out a small fire. I can still smell the coal smoke. They were made with love and pride, those things.
The final alcohol rejection
That's it. I'll be pouring my Angostura bitters down the sink this morning. I have woken up with a poisoning hangover (mild, thank god but still not doing well with breakfast) after having 3 sparkling water and elderflower cordials, with a... quarter teaspoon of bitters?
It's curious how angry it makes me. How dare I not be able to partake in this very ritualised drinking behaviour. It is my right, I entitled! Body says: Nope.
So that's that.
Damn it. The extended house move stress is playing havoc with my anxiety. Am having major fear blocking stupidity to getting important things done.
I wish I could be paid to just poddle around, sometimes, or I could wave a "Timeout" flag. Feeling really pointlessly tense and can't work effectively! Break required!
Menopause can do one
Walking down the road thinking "bloody hell it's humid today". Get in, put shopping down and feeling disgustingly hot. "Isn't it humid, it's horrible" "Er, not particularly"...
Hot flush. Piss off.
You know, if you go to the gym, you stay hot and sweating immediately afterwards, or if you stop doing something particularly cardio-ish. Suddenly you're covered in sweat, and it's a bit grim? It's that. Exactly that.
Wow. This sounds like an amazing, much needed film Paul Greengrass has made here:
Pick 5 games?
Holy shit, you must be joking. I am a shit game player. However (and these are in no order) :
2) Wipeout 2097 (PS1). This game was amazing. It personified Flow. I loved it so much I bought the soundtrack CD. Oh yes.
1) Beast Of Balance I play with my kids and they love it. So do I! Look it up.
4) Prince's Quest. A Victorian board game that belonged to my Grannie. Obsessed as a kid
5) A flight simulator for the Game Gear which was aces
1) Original versions of Tetris. BECAUSE.
Moaning and groaning
So tired. Sciatic nerves in both legs are really hypersensitive right now so I have aching in specific places in both knees and 1 ankle. Plus packing to move seems to be a 'Phantom Tolbooth'-like task that never ends and everything looks like a bomb went off. I wish I'd left my insane codeine out (30mg tabs, left over from 'the crash'. I am very sparing) so I could zonk in to painless, blank sleep.
Nice surprise: found a 32gb micro-sd in an old phone. It was the phone I had in hospital that I used to type out everything that happened in the crash - straight in to a Google doc, of course (so rational, even spaced out of my mind on morphine). Slightly mournful emotions: I never got to do rough playing with my young children ever again. That was it. I have never been as fit and healthy as I was then.
It was a good phone, anyway ;) And, a memory card! So that's good.
Wtf am I doing
Came to the door to go to work at 9.24. Acted like nothing untoward had happened. All signed. YES.
Wtf am I doing
I can't believe this. It's now 08.58 and not a single person has come out of this house to go to work? What the fuck? Also: ohshitfuckpleasedon'tdothistous.
I am me.
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