Breaking Bad ep by ep 

Episode 2: I said to my beloved "The tone of this reminds me of Fargo". I am sure someone in the creative team would have brought that up as a source influence.
Spent most of the episode actually feeling physically sick.
Still funny but a strong level of nasty has crept in.
I keep thinking he's going to tell her about the big C. He has to, doesn't he.
Shall I continue doing these? I only know vaguely that Mr White gets nastier

Old engineering ❤️ 

Waiting for a train, a sudden old-school whistle on the other track, looking around a diesel, dragging a beauty of an old steam engine, with 1 rather lovely carriage. It had steam, and was puffing out a small fire. I can still smell the coal smoke. They were made with love and pride, those things.


OK. We have started watching Breaking Bad. First episode, so beautifully written and acted, and so much in it, it could almost have been a standalone film. It can't possibly remain that good but I know it stays good, so we'll stick with it.

Oh please, sickly poisoning headache. Leave my head. I really do not deserve it and I have lots to do.

The final alcohol rejection 

That's it. I'll be pouring my Angostura bitters down the sink this morning. I have woken up with a poisoning hangover (mild, thank god but still not doing well with breakfast) after having 3 sparkling water and elderflower cordials, with a... quarter teaspoon of bitters?

It's curious how angry it makes me. How dare I not be able to partake in this very ritualised drinking behaviour. It is my right, I entitled! Body says: Nope.

So that's that.

Anxiety symptoms 

Damn it. The extended house move stress is playing havoc with my anxiety. Am having major fear blocking stupidity to getting important things done.

I wish I could be paid to just poddle around, sometimes, or I could wave a "Timeout" flag. Feeling really pointlessly tense and can't work effectively! Break required!

Menopause can do one 

Walking down the road thinking "bloody hell it's humid today". Get in, put shopping down and feeling disgustingly hot. "Isn't it humid, it's horrible" "Er, not particularly"...

Hot flush. Piss off.

You know, if you go to the gym, you stay hot and sweating immediately afterwards, or if you stop doing something particularly cardio-ish. Suddenly you're covered in sweat, and it's a bit grim? It's that. Exactly that.

Pick 5 games? 

Holy shit, you must be joking. I am a shit game player. However (and these are in no order) :

2) Wipeout 2097 (PS1). This game was amazing. It personified Flow. I loved it so much I bought the soundtrack CD. Oh yes.
1) Beast Of Balance I play with my kids and they love it. So do I! Look it up.
4) Prince's Quest. A Victorian board game that belonged to my Grannie. Obsessed as a kid
5) A flight simulator for the Game Gear which was aces
1) Original versions of Tetris. BECAUSE.

Zoonie boosted

It troubled me to pass by Coome farme where about twenty-one people have died of the plague, and a watch is constantly kept there night and day to keep the people in, the plague making us cruel, as dogs, one to another.

A personal blessing 

To Bob Woodward.

Moaning and groaning 

So tired. Sciatic nerves in both legs are really hypersensitive right now so I have aching in specific places in both knees and 1 ankle. Plus packing to move seems to be a 'Phantom Tolbooth'-like task that never ends and everything looks like a bomb went off. I wish I'd left my insane codeine out (30mg tabs, left over from 'the crash'. I am very sparing) so I could zonk in to painless, blank sleep.

Zoonie boosted

Great, somebody asked me why Germans don't just use ü as a smiley and ö as a surprised face. And now I can't unsee it.


Steeling myself 

I have an enormous amount of kitchen clearing and cleaning up to do. Got my podcasts (All In The Mind, Levar Burton Reads, Unfuck Your Brain, In Our Time), put my packing shoes on and go to the bathroom first ;)

Crash memories 

Nice surprise: found a 32gb micro-sd in an old phone. It was the phone I had in hospital that I used to type out everything that happened in the crash - straight in to a Google doc, of course (so rational, even spaced out of my mind on morphine). Slightly mournful emotions: I never got to do rough playing with my young children ever again. That was it. I have never been as fit and healthy as I was then.
It was a good phone, anyway ;) And, a memory card! So that's good.

Crap old Mac 

I don't know how old this effing iMac is but I'm guessing something like 12 years old. It is torture. I'm buying another one for work as soon as I can - second hand and cheap has got to be better than god awful.

London trains 

There's a station on one of my regular lines: Belmont. Said in a very 1950's BBC English accent on the announcements. Whenever I hear it, I hear the Caltrain version in my head. It's significantly different, put it that way.

Day's work 

Prepared myself for deep cleaning everything including the walls of the Alexander Technique studio by eating a whole packet of cinnamon and raisin bagels. Still sweaty and exhausted, but also extremely stuffed, several hours later.

Wtf am I doing 


Came to the door to go to work at 9.24. Acted like nothing untoward had happened. All signed. YES.

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Wtf am I doing 

I can't believe this. It's now 08.58 and not a single person has come out of this house to go to work? What the fuck? Also: ohshitfuckpleasedon'tdothistous.

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