this is our alien i guess. which they said wasn't really male or female but they refer to as he anyway

okay, everybody go watch the intro because the performance of the narrator in the intro is fucking hilarious and you need to experience it

okay was it actually written by gene roddenberry? because if it was oh boy there's gonna be some insufferable yet vapid preachiness and just so much sexism

the alien Da'an begins his speech to the crowd by making hilarious parseltongue noises

omg they used a clone tool to make it look like they had a huge crowd 😆

this sequence goes on for several long, LONG minutes where the alien is giving this scifi boilerplate speech abut how they came to earth and cured diseases and ended world hunger and so forth
while this sniper guy is getting ready to shoot them
standard stuff you've seen millions of times

so the sniper aims at the alien and then this guy blocks the crosshairs, i mean he's very clearly and obviously blocking the target, the sniper instead of waiting for a clear shot just fires anyway and hits the guy who was in the way
🤷

then the guy with the plastic prop on his arm fires a very cheap effect at the building where the sniper is and blows up part of it

the doctor is Lwaxanna

oh man they're gonna use green screen a lot, aren't they?

i hate cop protagonists. they're boring. they're always written the same way. they may as well all be the same damn character and mostly they are boring af

so our protagonist is a cop and he works in this generic cop place where generic cop stuff is going on and has generic cop dialogue with this other guy

so the alien is here to touch us

also his (that's the pronoun they're using so that's what imma go with) name is Da'an and they are pronouncing it as two syllables
i don't why i'm annoyed by that but i am

someone thought the name William Boone was really cool, they say it multiple times in the intro and they're said it multiple times outside of the intro

oh yeah William Boone is gonna be a mary sue isn't he?

constant, awkward use of a protagonist's full name is never a good sign on that front and now his wife is saying shit like this

i'm gonna hate william boone, aren't i?

i mean i already kinda do cause he's looks like archer so

so the assassin from earlier follows boon'es wife and rams her car and makes her crash but they couldn't afford to actually crash a car i guess so she just throws her arm up and they cut away to this while you hear tires screeching and a crash

someone just asked how long it would be before the wife got fridged...

so now that his wife is dead William Boone is free to work for the aliens and this lady takes him in her cheap ass cgi chip

oh here we go
star trek embarassed itself every time it brought up evolution and there's no way this is going anywhere good

@Taweret Sounds like something Earth would do honestly.

@Taweret ...I wonder if the aliens being neither male nor female was one of the reasons I found them so interesting...?

They remind me of the Changelings from DS9.

@Taweret

is this in the beginning of every episode or just the first?

@Taweret

as much as I don't like the character of Lwaxana, I have nothing but positive emotions towards Majel Barrett

@Taweret I was about to say "Of Course she is. It's a Roddenberry show."

... but I don't recall seeing her in Andromeda.

@apLundell
She was an executive producer on Andromeda though.
@Taweret

@Taweret You ever notice that desk-bound police detectives are the only characters who still wear suspenders?

@Taweret This is the show where all the heroes carry video phones right?

I remember the prop clearly, it's in two halves and they pull it apart and there's a screen in the middle that must have been rolled up.

@apLundell @Taweret I wear them at weddings. AMA.

@Taweret why does this look like a screenshot from a ps2 game

@Taweret

almost as cool as [protagonist name from the crabs book]

@Taweret
William Boone
William Boone
riding through the land
William Boone
William Boone
(something something hand?)

@Taweret any bets on how long she lasts until she gets fridged?

@Taweret Such an old-fashioned looking police station for a futuristic sci-fi.

They must have just already had that set laying around.

@Taweret NOT EVEN THE FIRST FUCKING EPISODE, OH MY GOD DAMN

@Taweret
I love it, a tombstone with "my wife" on it.

This show just gets it tee emm.

@Taweret
That and they can just have the image of the tombstone projected over him whenever they need to remind us his wife is dead

@violet @Taweret

Yeah, it doesn't say "Loving Wife", it says "My Loving Wife".

Let's not forget who the main characters is on this show!!

@violet @Taweret yeah, that's... definitely something. "Her Greatest Achievement: Married Me, William Boone, The Protagonist"

@Taweret I love how in SciFi from the 90s has user-interfaces where you had to wave your arms around.

When I worked in the industrial VR industry around 2010 clients would routinely tell us that they wanted a user-interface "Like in minority report".

We always had to explain to them that holding your arms out in front of you all day is not super comfortable.

@Taweret I'm trying to read the labels on this and... it looks like there's one that says "ENGINE"? is there also a "CHANGE OIL" indicator?

@Taweret
and Lwaxanna's maiden name had to be shoed in too? :)

@Taweret
This is high quality

@Taweret https://youtu.be/OQv-0Ojn73w

@Taweret That's hilarious.

At least with Andromeda you can tell they had money for the pilot episode, it doesn't get hilariously low-budget until episode 2.

@Taweret oh god why does he look so *smarmy*??? eeewewwww and then "I wish only to touch your species" DID YOU SERIOUSLY COME ALL THE WAY HERE JUST TO GET OFF ON TOUCHING HUMANS. GROSSSSS

@Taweret
Short for da'an'ie'el

@Taweret I'm picturing that name as belonging to a guy actually named Dan who really wants to be an elf

@Taweret

"I just want to touch your species"

Da'an is Joe Biden incognito.

@msh
@Taweret

Now, we all need to move on from this pattern of creepiness and just make Da'an the next horrible also-ran already.

@Taweret "I wish only to touch your species. I wish to touch your hair, skin, and also your teeth. Be not afraid, this is not a weird sex thing. It is simply my mission in life to touch as many species as possible and experience their many textures with my hands. After touching your species I also wish to touch the furry, scaly, and feathery surfaces of earth's many animal species. Then I will leave you and go to the next planet."

@Taweret They've barely begun with the green screens, Just wait until they get up to the Talon ship.

@Taweret

"Don't worry, The paramedics are here, and they've brought laptop computers from the 80s."

@Taweret ok, now I believe Gene wrote it

@Taweret I mean, Majel didn't get a lot of non-Gene work.

@Taweret ... what is that guy even doing? preparing to give the alien a blowjob? I mean that seems to be the purpose of this whole little shindig but I thought it was more metaphorical than that