i don't think this speech ever actually ends

it also sounds like it was written by a high school kid, it's just generic and dull as fuck

then this vulcan stands up and claps like it was the most amazing shit he's ever heard and okay, that is pretty funny

apparently everyone was super moved by archer's amazing speech

like this is kind of thing that maybe patrick stewart could pull off but not bakula, not bakula if his life depended on it

baby t'pucker actually died btw

hey remember the time they abandoned all those alien babies to die cause they were all different and stuff?

the actor playing tucker is actually okay. i sure wish they hadn't written the character as such a dick for the first three seasons

oh and then that scene sort of just peters out

the end

We made it. The last ep of enterprise. And travis gets dialogue right out of the gate

wtf happened to t'pol's hair?

also zephram cochrane is not an interesting character, stop bringing him up like he is

yay! Riker is here to reassure us all that none of this awful shit ever happened and starfleet never had a captain or crew doing all the horrific shit we've seen on this show

oh god i've never been so happy to see the real enterprise. don't make me go back

also why is this titled 'these are the voyages' instead of 'it's been a long road?'

oh gosh this is a very cgi enterprise though

it does not look as good as the model they used on tng

can we just stay in ten forward and not go back in the holodeck? please?

ahahahaha troi suggests riker skip ahead in the program to "when the andorian shows up"

even troi knows the only watchable parts of ENT are the jeffrey combs scenes

okay so apparently there has been a time skip from the last ep we saw to when this is happening

i guess t'pol's hair was meant to indicate that

also jeffrey combs

haha archer finishes his convo with shran and then riker fast forwards to the next shran scene

best. enterprise. ep. EVER.

shran's daughter has been kidnapped and he needs archer and the gang to help get her back and JESUS CHRIST WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING XINDI?!

if you say so, riker

i thought vulcans had a weird thing about touching food with their hands

@Taweret Tucker's only got one hand in a sling, he could at least snap or something instead of standing there like a dope, or fistpump or something, COME ON TUCKER GET WITH THE PROGRAM THIS IS ARCHER'S HEROIC HISTORIC MOMENT.

@Taweret You're watching two episodes in one night?

You've got to pace yourself.

@Taweret WOOOP WOOOP ALERT ALERT HERE WE GO BUCKLE UP BITCHES

@Taweret what already? I thought that was the Surprise Dramatic Twist at the end of the episode/show, but it's right here in the beginning? okay, I can get behind this...

@Taweret

This looks like a spaceship from a PC game that came out around 2013 or so.

It looks like something out of a decent video game.

@Taweret It's really weird that this is the first time one of the ship's stewards gets a line beyond "yes sir".

You never even SEE them except when they put a dish down.

@Taweret I'll bet the cast of Enterprise was pissed about this finale.

It's like if Picard won the dominion war, or Sisko rescued Voyager.

That's how you START a series. You don't end it like that.

Ending on a crossover is really poor form.

@Taweret

Proposed Voyager Finale :

Kim : There's a subspace distortion.
Janeway : On screen!
Tuvok : I'm not familiar with model of ship, but its federation transponder reads "Defiant".

Sisko : I asked the prophets if they could move the far end of the wormhole, and after the usual nonsense about linear/non-linear, they agreed.
Janeway : So we can go home!
Sisko : Yeah, Kinda makes your last 7 years were meaningless, though.

fin

@Taweret
Proposed "Enterprise"-style finale for DS9

Data : ...And that, according to my calculations, is a 99.982% accurate simulation of what would have happened if a stable wormhole had been discovered in the Bajor system.

Picard : Fascinating! This simulation has been most illustrative. Thank you Mister Data.

Data : Of course, sir. Computer, End Program.

[Sisko et all vanish. Data and Picard leave the holodeck.]

@apLundell the ds9 showrunner wanted the whole show to be Bennie Russell's dream 🤷

@Taweret Ugh. That'd actually be a WORSE ending.

I can understand why they'd want to do that ... but no. It would not have been good.

@Taweret

Turns out Voyager was just a fairy story made up by the people in Fair Haven, Ireland.

@apLundell @Taweret It was a discarded DS9 idea that got out of hand. There was a great scene with Quark berating a naive ensign and someone decided to write an entire show around an unnamed character from that scene.

@apLundell @Taweret There is no other world, there is only Voyager.

@apLundell @Taweret All of Deep Space Nine came out of Benny Russell's typewriter.

@apLundell @Taweret Dominic Keating liked it, others hated it, and it’s one of the few episodes across Trek that Brannon Braga’s actually apologized for.

@SelfsameSynonym @apLundell I think the silly and perfunctory way they kill off tucker is more of an insult to fans than the holodeck thing. And I don't even like tucker

@Taweret @apLundell well, yeah. It’s not like the production team on this show is capable of doing anything competently.

@SelfsameSynonym @apLundell they really should have listened to Behr when he tried to tell them how to fix the show. like they really super should have listened

@Taweret @apLundell I want to know what he suggested. I want to know if lighting and tightening up the scripts were brought up

@Taweret @apLundell I want to know how much of what Berman and Braga’s bullshit that Enterprise awful was brought up

@Taweret oh noes his baby that he didn't actually have anything to do with making died. like that baby that Phlox made in the lab and then harvested his brain and stuck it into the body Tucker is currently wearing also died, but nobody cared. 9_______9

@Taweret

I don't remember much of anything Season 1 or 2 (I don't think I missed much lol) but showing Tucker dealing with the death of his Sister, getting sucked into the Terra Prime faction, having a inner conflict due to a genuine friendship that develops with T'Pol over time and then turning against Terra Prime would have been a good character arc.

@Taweret did he do the "slow, gradually speeding up while standing up" clap and then everybody else starts clapping and then it turns into thunderous applause? or was it just him clapping an embarrassingly long time like Citizen Kane?

@troodon the first one

@Taweret what the fuck they actually played that cliche straight, what am I saying of fucking COURSE they did, this show will NEVER miss any chance to slam straight into the wall of fuckery at maximum velocity

@Taweret It's important to have a friend in the audience to get the applause ball rolling.

@Taweret What's that thing Soval has got pinned to his chest?

Did he steal a wall-mounted air-freshener from the Men's Room?

@Taweret that mural looks a bit awkward given the recent Xindi incident

@Taweret

OK but would you really expect archer to write a good speech?

-sent from my cranial implant

@Taweret Oh, I see, they've all got silver things pinned to their chest. (Except Phlox. Looks like his is on his wrist?)

Were they translators or something? To indicate that Star Trek doesn't have magical invisible translators, yet?

@apLundell yeah i think they said they were translators

@Taweret I like how Phlox is wearing his on his wrist.

I assume that's his way of saying "I don't need this thing, but they told me I had to wear one."