omg this is the most boring shit

so tucker gets into a punch fight with some guy who doesn't matter, archer and the gang fly to mars in a shuttle or something and now terrorist guy is making another speech

T'Pucker. the kid's name is T'Pucker.
T'Pucker J Enterprise

archer and the gang are still on their shuttle journey and now tucker is fucking around with some equipment or something

they hold the camera on this carl sagan plaque for a really long time then zoom out to show the rover

someone is supposed to care about this i guess. this someone is not me

the terrorist guy has had alien gene therapy for some medical condition and i guess we're supposed to care

goddamn this is a draggy episode. this did not need to be a two parter

so archer and the gang after a way too long trip to mars just kind of stroll into the complex and immediately stumble into tucker

terrorist guy is making another speech. all of these speeches are the same speech and they are dull as fuck

this did NOT need to be a two parter

terrorist guy fires his weapon at san francisco but it hits the ocean instead

and now T'Pucker is dying

they name the baby elizabeth but she will always be T'Pucker to me

this guy turned out to be working for the terrorists

i'm sure if i knew who he was i would really being feeling the betrayal of this moment

oh no wait. i guess the real traitor was this guy

i don't know who he is

baby t'pucker is dying and phlox is really upset

hey, remember when phlox created a baby in his lab so he could raise it and murder it and harvest its brain?

politician guy made a speech and now archer is making a speech

i don't think this speech ever actually ends

it also sounds like it was written by a high school kid, it's just generic and dull as fuck

then this vulcan stands up and claps like it was the most amazing shit he's ever heard and okay, that is pretty funny

apparently everyone was super moved by archer's amazing speech

like this is kind of thing that maybe patrick stewart could pull off but not bakula, not bakula if his life depended on it

baby t'pucker actually died btw

hey remember the time they abandoned all those alien babies to die cause they were all different and stuff?

the actor playing tucker is actually okay. i sure wish they hadn't written the character as such a dick for the first three seasons

@Taweret Tucker's only got one hand in a sling, he could at least snap or something instead of standing there like a dope, or fistpump or something, COME ON TUCKER GET WITH THE PROGRAM THIS IS ARCHER'S HEROIC HISTORIC MOMENT.

@Taweret did he do the "slow, gradually speeding up while standing up" clap and then everybody else starts clapping and then it turns into thunderous applause? or was it just him clapping an embarrassingly long time like Citizen Kane?

@troodon the first one

@Taweret what the fuck they actually played that cliche straight, what am I saying of fucking COURSE they did, this show will NEVER miss any chance to slam straight into the wall of fuckery at maximum velocity

@Taweret It's important to have a friend in the audience to get the applause ball rolling.

@Taweret What's that thing Soval has got pinned to his chest?

Did he steal a wall-mounted air-freshener from the Men's Room?

@Taweret that mural looks a bit awkward given the recent Xindi incident

@Taweret

OK but would you really expect archer to write a good speech?

-sent from my cranial implant

@Taweret Oh, I see, they've all got silver things pinned to their chest. (Except Phlox. Looks like his is on his wrist?)

Were they translators or something? To indicate that Star Trek doesn't have magical invisible translators, yet?

@apLundell yeah i think they said they were translators

@Taweret I like how Phlox is wearing his on his wrist.

I assume that's his way of saying "I don't need this thing, but they told me I had to wear one."

@Taweret THE BUTLER DID IT

no wait

THE GARDENER, THE GARDENER DEFINITELY DID IT

[sobbing]

@Taweret Tim Heidecker?

@Taweret just imagine it's Cadet Family Guy instead. :D

@Taweret I'd feel a lot worse about that if not for, y'know, the whole "making a baby to murder and harvest its brain" thing, and the "let's abandon a whole shipload of babies to die and mutiny against the suggestion that we save them" thing. IT'S KIND OF A THING.

@Taweret
Now that you bring that up, I remember being impressed by it.

@Taweret You're supposed to feel smart for remembering, before the reveal, that "Carl Sagan Memorial Station" is another name for Mars Sojourner.

@Taweret

Carl Sagan is cool and all but is he someone that people are going to be memorializing in hundreds of years?

-sent from my cranial implant

@mal i would be very surprised

@mal @Taweret

No, you misunderstand. The Martian Historical Society isn't honoring Sagan, They're honoring NASA/JPL.

"Carl Sagon Memorial Station" is now the official name for the Mars Sojourner, even though nobody calls it that.

It's entirely reasonable to assume that the "Mars Historical Preservation Society" would clean up Sojourner/Pathfinder and put up a plaque.

@mal @Taweret "Sagan", not "Sagon".

Whatever.

Carl.

@apLundell @Taweret

Gotcha, I didn't know

That makes more sense

-sent from my cranial implant

@Taweret

I mean, I'm pretty sure if we get to the point where hybridization with an alien species were possible there will definitely be groups that will never consider the hybrids to be "real humans" or have "souls" or some other shit like that.

Fuck, this even happens now with people of mixed race in the West, Korea, and Japan.

@Taweret Riker was supposed to name the kid too, but was doing dishes in the mess hall

@Taweret [Somehow I missed a few of these Enterprise posts last night. Too busy shaking my fist at the Mozilla Foundation, I guess.]

I like how they put a hat on that kid so they wouldn't have to do her ears ... ... but in this shot the hat is not pulled down quite far enough.

You can tell she's not Vulcan.

@Taweret

Terrorist guy speech doesn't have much impact unless you spend time building up the character to lead to that point.

Like Terrorist guy could have been a minor character in Season 3 that started rising in political power in the background. Hell, you could have introduced him by having Tucker listen to his Youtubish videos after his Sister was killed.

@Tau_Leonis we don't develop characters on this show. what do you think this is? ds9?

@Taweret

Like showing a fringe right-wing xenophobe faction starting to slowly gain more and more traction in United Earth (or whatever they call it in ENT.) as a background detail in Season 3 and 4 would have both been realistic and much better story telling rather than "Terra Prime" appearing as randomly as taco gas.

@Taweret I'm just going to assume he's talking about the T'pucker terrorist baby here.