My whole life was a lie

I leaned to my family expecting support, and what I got was just them expecting me to be someone I never was

They see "future" in me, not a human with their own needs

They think they know what I should spend my energy on, and they think that me crying is not an excuse for me "not doing my work", just me being "in my hole" and "doing nothing"

I feel like I'm a slave for them or something

Or just "overreacting", ofc /s

Maybe it's true, but why am I so incapable of doing whatever they ask/demand me to do?

I want to run, not sure where or how

May I just not wake up?

Please?

@SunCat What the hell is that

Do you have resources where you live? Transgender groups, medical care (for your depression)? Do you need resources?

@redbookworm
I live in Russia, and I have no idea tbh

@redbookworm
There is one non-lgbt therapist I kinda know about, and sometimes talk with them, but they haven't been too much help tbh

@SunCat @redbookworm I'd add Autistic community support as well, especially if crying is part of shutdowns or meltdowns

@shoutcacophony
Yeah, I had a serious shutdown and inability to speak last night, too

Well, the only Russian resources I've ever found were about praising ABA, so it feels like I'm stuck there

And tbh it feels like my family is themselves neurodivergent but they are too used to the NT world so they don't want to understand me properly <.<
@redbookworm

@SunCat @redbookworm

Yikes, ABA. Yeah...no. :(

As you might already know, that happens in families at times. Both my parents have passed (I'm well past 30), but when I look back, I see a lot of signs they they could've been neurodivergent.

@SunCat @redbookworm I'm looking to see what I can come up with, not finding much.

I'm thinking that maybe a group outside of the country that has Russian-speaking support might have some ideas and/or contacts in your area that aren't otherwise listed.

Here's an example, but it's parent-focused, not autistics-focused:

https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/autism-ontario-russian-speaking-parent-support-group-tickets-46847464026?aff=erelexpmlt

http://www.autismontario.com/

@shoutcacophony
They are linked with Autism Speaks it seems http://www.autismontario.com/client/aso/ao.nsf/adults/who+we+are?OpenDocument
@redbookworm

@SunCat @redbookworm missed that. so that won't do. hmn.

@SunCat @redbookworm

at this point, i'm throwing out ideas, tell me if that's not helpful.

i'm wondering if reaching out via the actuallyautistic hashtag would work (both here and on twitter), or calling ASAN would help. i have no contacts with the latter (or much in general, tbh), but someone else might.

usual "don't feed the trolls" warning for the former