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Brad Snowder

Half of my family are horse thieves and the other half are missing their horses.

A guy calls the hospital and says "Help, my wife's having a baby." The nurse asks "Is this her first child?" The guy says "No this is her husband."

Orion is leaning to one side tonight I hope he gets home okay someone should check on him.

Time and space are like some weird polyester blend and someone left the iron on high.

We are part star dust and part star smithereens.

"Hey Andromeda, you lookin at me? You wanna rumble, we'll rumble." ~ Milky Way

As the Universe expands, nothing has to get out of its way.

It's only a murder of crows if there's probable caws.

A large elderly raccoon came to the slider last night and seemed to demand some payment he was owed. He was quite angry but I stood my ground.

Imagine listening to American Pie 8,020,800 times in a row. That's how long I've been alive.

I'm 30 years and 372 months old.

At two years old I was killing the house plants by eating all the dirt. My mom sprinkled cayenne pepper on them to try and slow me down. To this day the smell of fresh mud after a rain makes me want Mexican food.

love that brief moment at the dentist when the nitrous starts kicking in and you are fooled into thinking this might be a pleasant experience.

One of my ducks (named Copernicus ironically) is an idiot. But he is a very stable idiot.

I get the same feeling from horoscopes that doctors get watching Grey's Anatomy.

Every wine expert is totally faking it.

Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is kinda messed up.