What did Watson and Crick discover?
The correct answer was "Rosalind Franklin's notes."

If your cosmology paper is based on quantum mysticism I will be attacking your sources with one hand behind my back (which will be holding a taser).

If aliens ever do come down from space I'm going to be so embarrassed when my grandma tells them how god helped Oklahoma score a touchdown.

Plz don't say it will lead to people marrying their dogs. Dogs can't sign contracts, and even if they could, it wouldn't be legal because they don't understand what they are signing, and even if they could, we all know they would sign anything for half your sandwich.

Before Google we had to write to Catalog, Pueblo CO 81009

If gov't didn't exist we would have to pool our resources to achieve common goals and choose representatives to administrate them.

Stars have planets in gravity wells, that find orbital tracks and ride 'em. Planets have moons with submoons called moonmoons, and so on infinitum.

Guy shipwrecked on a desserted island for years is finally rescued by a passing ship.
The captain of the ship notices the guy built three huts on the beach, asks him why.
The guy says the first hut, well that's my house, where I live.
The second hut, that's my church, where I worship.
The captain asks, what about the third hut?
The guy says, oh, that's the church I used to go to.

People rarely want to hear that religion is a derivative of the celestial geometry, a remnant of an ancient interpretation of the patterns in the constellations and of seasonal weather. But we have preserved the numerology of the sky in our legends.

I knew a black hole
That swallowed the sky.
I don't know why
It swallowed the sky.
We're all gonna die.

Students, plz don't hate the quadratic equation. See how beautiful it is. Now look at the Eddington approximation. Adorable.

Maybe we could have a "Give a Man a Fish" day. All the men who want a fish could sign up also there would be a parade.

Current North Stars
Mercury, Omicron Draconis.
Venus, 42 Draconis.
Earth, Polaris.
Mars, Deneb.
Jupiter, Zeta Draconis.
Saturn, N/A.
Uranus, Meissa.
Neptune, Delta Cygni.
Pluto, Delta Draconis.

I'm working on a new dance move where I bob my head and stiffly wave my arms a bit.

Student: Can I turn in this late assignment?
Me: Okay, give it to me.
Student: Oh, I actually haven't done it yet.
Me: Then no.

Caller: Hello are you the people who look at the stars?
Me: Right now I'm having dinner.
Caller: But do you think the glow around the stars has something to do with the North Koreans?
Me: I don't know, maybe.
Caller: Ok bye.

I wonder if the IRS will notice that I listed them as a dependent.

I heated up a can of gumbo, which is not like real gumbo of course. It's just something they threw in a can after a quick glance at a picture of some gumbo.

People come in all sizes, shapes, colors, and crazy.

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