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Brad Snowder

I have a thermometer in my Jeep so when people go "Is it hot enough for ya?" I look at it and be like "uuuh yep."

It has been 17,897 days since humans first landed on the moon.
It was on a Sunday.
The phase of the Moon that day was First Quarter.
The Moon was in the constellation of Virgo.

On this day 49 years ago, my family killed 100 chickens, plucked, cleaned, and tossed them in the freezer. Then we all went to the TV room and watched people do stuff on the moon.

The Bode-Titius rule is a thingy that says that the distances between some of the planets sort of makes sense if you squint and and say "meh" and fudge the numbers in a hand-wavy way. This will be on the test.

Johann Bode and Johann Titius were astronomers back when pretty much everyone was named Johann. They discovered a rule which I meant to say is not a rule.

The moon is laying low in the west, and so am I.

Aurora events are rated from 0 to 4.
0 - this is stupid why did you call me
1 - I think I see it
2 - I see it
3 - Am I glowing? I feel like I'm glowing
4 - I can die now auroragasm

The sky is looking clear.
The moon has swung to new.
I'm setting up the scope.
To view the cosmic poo.
(tentative title: why I don't write ads)

If the night is clear, go out and stare into the timeless void. If it's cloudy, log onto the Internet and stare into the timed void. Optional: post snarky comments about the void.

I'm attempting to re-enter society after taking cough medicine. Do we still curtsy when approaching a barista?

Suppose you want to make a scale model of our galaxy using salt for the stars. First of all you will need 11,000 pounds of salt, the kind with the little tiny grains, not the chunky gourmet stuff. Next you will need a canvas, get this, the size of the North American Continent.

Love them all and let gods sort them out.

Me: *stares into the abyss*
The Abyss: "Take a picture it lasts longer."

Not common knowledge apparently.

Stonehenge was built in phases, beginning as early as 3,100 BC until around 1,800 BC because contractors can really stretch out a job.

No. Sorry. The moon passing in front of the sun's shadow is not an eclipse. That's an apocalypse. No points.

How many people do you figure got squished building Stonehenge?

The Fox and the Goose is a small constellation in the night skies of summer. The fairy tale is the gruesome sort where a fox murders a goose. You know who else used this creepy metaphor? Hitler, who sided with the fox.

I'm socially liberal but fiscally liberal.

The Internet. A bunch of apes with computers debating whether evolution happened.