@Samizdata @sungo err *she is the kind
@Elizafox @Samizdata My parents were total shits about my psych care as a kid. I got the religious "jesus is testing you" shit. In the years since, things have changed. Or at least it seems so to me. They're at least good at making sure I'm still alive.
@Samizdata @sungo I've had close calls with suicide but luckily my attempts either failed, I got seen and aborted, or I chickened out.
@Samizdata @sungo Insufficiently sharp tools are one reason my cutting never killed me.
@sungo @Samizdata It's sad too. Cutters have huge stigma as attention seekers. In my case though, it was part coping, and part "GOD DAMMIT FUCKING HELP ME YOU ASSHOLE PLEASE".
@Elizafox @Samizdata I never told a soul. Well, not until the only therapist I ever trusted caught me wincing at some physical movement.
@sungo @Samizdata I told people and got ignored. So I began to hide it. And I hid it further. And people thought I got better. I really didn't.
@Samizdata @sungo I had limited OD opportunities. All I could OD on was common OTC meds, and I wasn't stupid enough to OD on Tylenol given the horrendous death from liver failure that would follow.
@Samizdata @sungo I've only had opiate painkillers twice. Codeine and vicodin. The latter I wasn't stupid enough to OD on. The former I was doing slightly better and didn't think to try to kill myself before I finished the prescription. Probably for the better.
@Samizdata @Elizafox The thing is with me, I have always suffered alone. Pretty much every partner I've ever had has left when things got bad. The docs say I shouldn't live alone beacuse of things like that OD. But since no one's willing to put up with my shit, I get to live alone.
@Samizdata @Elizafox My unintentional OD was prescription xanax. Huge panic attack hit and I thought "well, if one works on a normal panic attack then clearly I need ALL THE XANAX". It's too bad too. I miss xanax.