@sungo I have PTSD and MDD with occasional psychotic features. I don't know how anyone puts up with me at all.
I'm told I'm a really wonderful person to be around between episodes of depression. I guess it must be true because I hear it enough, but I have a hard time believing it.
I only sought help for it all after my partner told me to see a therapist. I only got medication when I got a sympathetic doctor who told me I should do it. Best decision I ever made.
@sungo I don't get hypomanic (so it's not dysmythia or bipolar). I just get moments where I'm /less/ depressed. It's the moments when it flares up I become horrible because I take everything personally. I try to avoid people when that happens and it causes me to become severely withdrawn. Ironically, I become more productive in things like programming because I'm trying to hide from others so they don't see me like that, and because I believe they hate me anyway.
Don't get depression.
@Elizafox Yeah, depression is kinda the worst. I remember asking a doc to not give me meds to squish any hypomania because that's the only time I felt ok.
Even with meds, I'm unstable and borderline comes with identity crisis too. I'm always trying to figure out who I am, if this emotion is real, what it says about me. If grumpy sysadmin wasn't a thing, I doubt I'd be able to hold down a job for long.
@sungo Well, I know about identity issues. I'm transgender.
At least I don't suffer from occasional although brief bouts of depersonalisation like I did in my teens.
@Elizafox I'm trying to figure out how to prepare for an identity crisis I know is coming in a few weeks thanks to work. I can't really prepare, I guess, just warn folks it's coming and that I'm likely to be extra difficult to be around.
@sungo I always knew that when I had "better" moments I would always slip back, but I generally just tried to make the most of them.
@Elizafox It's tough to know that better is transient.
@sungo I know. I sometimes wonder when my depression will come back. I hope it doesn't.
If I suddenly become withdrawn or something though, yeah, that's what's happened.
@sungo The weird thing with me is, it just suddenly comes back. Like WHAM. Instant. And I'm fucked for days and I begin the "death spiral" in short order.
Sometimes it has triggers like things that upset me or bad arguments. Sometimes it just happens after reading a bad story. Sometimes it just happens.
It *REALLY* sucks.
@sungo Things I thought would trigger it, like a heated discussion with a roommate earlier along with a concurrent heated discussion about a policy detail on mst3k, didn't do it this time. Before antidepressants it often would be a trigger. I didn't let it get to me though, for the first time in far too long.
So that's Promising™. I hope.
