I perched, silent with unmitigated terror, heart racing a million miles a minute, as I beheld my mouse cursor. The little arrow, which normally points left, was now pointing to the right. I fled my bedroom, barely conscious of stubbing my toe against my stepfather, and retreated to the safety of the attic. I used to *9 minute long awkward description of a game he played by himself, it's not really sure what he was trying to accomplish*

I awoke, nestled within my bed's voluptuous bosom. Silence. The crickets titted boobily in the darkness outside. I noticed a subtle breast-like creaking sound, soft, almost unnoticeable. I leapt out of bed and raced to my computer. *6 minute long recounting of the political dramas on a white supremacist subreddit* the breasts of unmitigated terror slapped me with each heartbeat. I *2 paragraphs about Terra Fuego's economy just straight up lifted from wikipedia* I

I sat there in the seat of my car, a *9 minute long description of each mechanic visit since buying the car* *mansplains the abstract concept of traffic lights* wet myself with the existential horror that peered at me from the minivan in front of me. The orange cat clung to the window, mockingly. I cried tears of frustration and softly stroked my custom breast-shaped steering wheel, *5 minute long wikipedia description of Vin Diesel*

Gentlemen, I *monotone recitation of the the entire wikipedia article about Carl Vestrossen, the inventor of the modern car door latch*