PhilthePill @PhilthePill@octodon.social

[coffee shop]

Someone in line for their coffee sees Mastodon open on my laptop. They catch my eye, nod knowingly at me, and do the international IRL signal for "fellow tooter." They swing their arm in front of their face and fart loudly.

I do so in return. Unfortunately, I may have poop-tooted IRL.

[job interview]

"Your resume says, 'Fuck You, Pay Me.'"

PHIL: Yes, sir. I have eight years of deep experience in Fuck You, Pay Me.

Okay, new account. New instance. New #introductions.

Hello! My name's Phil and - for now - I'm based in Northern Virginia. I can't code my way out of a box, but I *do* design WYSIWYG-platform websites for aspiring authors and bloggers.

My side project is a website that centralizes web patronage for journalists, writers, and artists. Often, I talk movies. And I love new music and fiction.

I support: trans people and the full LGBTQIA spectrum. And I'm a child of immigrants.

I have suffered a minor loss.

If you die on your birthday, you die in real life.

I have entered the addiction phase of Hades. Do not tell my loved ones.

And I'm headed out west, sucka

The musical genius underlying K*d R*ck's problematic and misogynistic song, "Cowboy," a Toot Essay by me, Phil the Pill, a person who has never studied musical theory and who probably shouldn't be trusted to look past his own nostalgia for a trashy era in music. Chapter One: The harmonica

We know of an ancient radiation.

That haunts dismembered constellations. A faintly glimmering radio

station

I TEAR MY HEART OPEN.

I SEW MYSELF SHUT.

Barkis is willing.

Sir, this is a Customer Service Kiosk

Is
this

the way a toy feels

when its...batteries....run dry?

My new life dream is to create a ballroom dance routine set to David Benoit's "Freedom at Midnight" and throw a party and convince my wife to be my partner as we showcase the dance to the party.

I had a dream that I was Hillary Duff's childhood boyfriend.

People who watched Cartoon Network in the early 2000's - do you remember that Apples in Stereo music video with the monster attacking the city? "Signal in the Sky?"