O hai, Mastoworld. I have been away. Tell me what I missed!
I feel like we've lost some important things in moving from physical letters to electronic ones. For instance, I just wasted two hours and a perfectly good monitor trying to sign this e-mail in blood
When the cops break down my apartment door to find my decomposing corpse, I like to think they will be impressed by my DVD collection
I don't mind the heat. I don't necessarily mind the humidity, so much. I don't even mind when they get together and try to suffocate me under a giant, wet, sticky blanket. What I *do* mind is when I wake up in the morning and it feels as though every surface in my house - the floor, the walls, all my stuff - feels as if a million slugs have slimed their way across it overnight and then disappeared. And it's only 5am.
The sunshine feels nice but OMG it's draining the life out of me!
Also, I never felt the whole "sun = happy" thing. It's just really bright, destroys my skin, makes me lazy, and A/C = happy Averly.
☀😴
I appreciate when it rains all day on a Saturday that I wanted to do nothing, but have no good excuse to do so. So helpful!
I'm so happy y'all are here. I was cut off from the whole world for a while and it was scary. Thank you for being here and being your amazing, beautiful selves. 💕
Remember UNIX? that was invented literally 6000 years ago, by god
Thinking about how much my wife loves guitar solos and that a woman who digs guitars is a treasure.
That time you wanted to binge eat terrible snacks but, lo, there were only healthy snacks to be had so you curse the person who does the shopping and then you remember that that's you. Thwarted again.
"I will love you until death and beyond," she sighed through her tears, "but we can never be together, for I am a werefrankenstein and you are a merdracula, and our families will never agree on what to call our children."
This is the best Bowser -- and it's an official render. https://octodon.social/media/3i0K2DBfe0BNZiA_xgY
What's E.T. short for?
Because he's only got little legs!
More than perhaps ever before, the tomorrow I wake up to will be uncharted territory. Here's to old dogs and new tricks.
What's the weather like out there?
"It's hot! Damn hot! Real hot! Hottest things is my shorts. I could cook things in it. A little crotch pot cooking."
Well, tell me what it feels like.
"Fool, it's hot! I told you again! Were you born on the sun? It's damn hot! It's so damn hot, I saw little guys, their orange robes burst into flames. It's that hot! Do you know what I'm talking about?" https://octodon.social/media/h8QDEnmgc4LnuGbCZRE
I found the Republican health care plan https://octodon.social/media/DmaAeGtgd_F-UlM0wXk
I remove my glasses when I don't want to feel vulnerable. Why is that? Also, I have now tooted 2x (in a row, consecutively) about glasses. Life sure is exciting.
