hopelessness, mental illness, emotional abuse
I'm also hiding from people I know because I feel utterly hopeless about humanity & politics at the moment and I don't want worried people to message my mother and mean I have to manage my drunk, emotionally abusive mother's "worry" along with my own MH shit
Making myself a sweet, decaf tea after "witching my way through epic shit" to steal a phrase from a woman I very much admire & I feel so transformed from the healing that just happened that I physically look different to myself. Something HUGE has shifted.
There's layers. There's more but I walked out of sacred space an entirely different human. And thank fuck for that to be quite honest.
Binge eating (recovery), food tracking (for nutrition)
And as a recovering binge eater, eating more when I'm not hungry is just a terrible idea for many reasons. Maybe I'm panicking too soon (it's been known), am gonna track my intake for a while, but it worries me.
Will have to look into more supplements. I'm not averse to them it just annoys me that I did the research before going #vegan & thought it through and I'm fucking it up (not to say my diet was better before I went vegan)
Food tracking (for nutrition), food
Slung a banana into my porridge this morning, would have been great for upping my nutrients but I've only managed to eat half the bowl because it's too much food.
I am not interested in weight. I don't weigh myself. I'm not interested in diets. I'm team truly intuitive eating (not the diet fad it has become) and my sole food goal is to give my body what it needs & I am currently not doing.
Food tracking (for nutrition)
So I logged my food properly in Cronometer today, weighed it & everything. My diet is not great; not only am I low in calcium & other stuff, I'm also in calorie deficit.
Clearly the day is not over (I just had dinner) & it's not exact but I'm eating fewer calories than recommended & also fewer than I'm burning.
But I'm not hungry so ... Urgh. Food is hard.
I have really got to track my macros. I have a feeling I'm not getting enough something (atm my guess is calcium cos my nails look different) but man tracking macros when you cook from scratch is HARD. You gotta weigh everything & shit. Urgh.
I have somewhat fallen off the well planned #vegan diet wagon lately though. I've had more biscuits & chocolate and way less fruit and veg.
people mentally distance themselves from the internet so much. A thing on your screen is just something on the internet. nobody thinks that hard about the construction of it, unless they themselves work online.
i mean, shit. explain to me how internet friends aren't real friends, or why trolling is different than saying it to someone's face