hopelessness, mental illness, emotional abuse 

I'm also hiding from people I know because I feel utterly hopeless about humanity & politics at the moment and I don't want worried people to message my mother and mean I have to manage my drunk, emotionally abusive mother's "worry" along with my own MH shit

I'm never here anymore. Apart from now apparently where I'm hiding from politics

Lexi boosted

Remember to take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Making myself a sweet, decaf tea after "witching my way through epic shit" to steal a phrase from a woman I very much admire & I feel so transformed from the healing that just happened that I physically look different to myself. Something HUGE has shifted.
There's layers. There's more but I walked out of sacred space an entirely different human. And thank fuck for that to be quite honest.

Binge eating (recovery), food tracking (for nutrition) 

And as a recovering binge eater, eating more when I'm not hungry is just a terrible idea for many reasons. Maybe I'm panicking too soon (it's been known), am gonna track my intake for a while, but it worries me.
Will have to look into more supplements. I'm not averse to them it just annoys me that I did the research before going & thought it through and I'm fucking it up (not to say my diet was better before I went vegan)

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Food tracking (for nutrition), food 

Slung a banana into my porridge this morning, would have been great for upping my nutrients but I've only managed to eat half the bowl because it's too much food.
I am not interested in weight. I don't weigh myself. I'm not interested in diets. I'm team truly intuitive eating (not the diet fad it has become) and my sole food goal is to give my body what it needs & I am currently not doing.

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BPD (~), emotions 

What does feel like? Well my friends if you imagine feeling at least this amount of stuff every second of every day forever, you're maybe 20% of the way there.
(Shout out to the Feelings Wheel for helping me figure out how I'm feeling) t.co/D64KkYavic

I wish I didn't hate free-writing. I feel like journaling would be easier if I could just blerugh all over the page subconsciously

*mutters to self* lead by example. lead by example. lead by example.

Food tracking (for nutrition) 

So I logged my food properly in Cronometer today, weighed it & everything. My diet is not great; not only am I low in calcium & other stuff, I'm also in calorie deficit.
Clearly the day is not over (I just had dinner) & it's not exact but I'm eating fewer calories than recommended & also fewer than I'm burning.
But I'm not hungry so ... Urgh. Food is hard.

hormones (-), birth control, menstruation 

Also not being helped by my hormones still not being back to normal. Since my last period, which ended 9 days ago, my body has been having "about to have a period" symptoms. For 9 days. One of which is gums so fucking achy I want to cry at this point

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Food (- sort of) 

Also I am exhausted by food lately, so that's not helping. The having to eat every day, multiple times a day thing is just...exhausting. I am so shit at the repetitive shit you have to do in life, even to sustain life.

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Food tracking 

I have really got to track my macros. I have a feeling I'm not getting enough something (atm my guess is calcium cos my nails look different) but man tracking macros when you cook from scratch is HARD. You gotta weigh everything & shit. Urgh.
I have somewhat fallen off the well planned diet wagon lately though. I've had more biscuits & chocolate and way less fruit and veg.

I finally decided on my word of the year for 2019 and it is... drumroll please.... FEARLESS

Lexi boosted

stop treating years of behavioral patterns as isolated incidents

So I love that CW exist here but when I feel poop I don't have the brain to think of what to write in a CW so I just don't write anything here at all. So that's not great for me and why I'm MIA of late

oh woah woah woah....my notifications are different

I am MIA from social mostly but am gradually coming back and rejigging my socials. Mostly hanging out in FB groups now because there are nice people in the ones I'm in.
Nice people are few and far between. Been feeling too miserable to be here, I feel bad spouting misery into the Fediverse

Lexi boosted

people mentally distance themselves from the internet so much. A thing on your screen is just something on the internet. nobody thinks that hard about the construction of it, unless they themselves work online.

i mean, shit. explain to me how internet friends aren't real friends, or why trolling is different than saying it to someone's face

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Lexi boosted

ukpol 

"It is unfortunate that we have not reached a technological solution to the Northen Ireland border" Yeah cus technology can't solve that, technology isn't a magic powder that solves everything

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