Just testing out my first line from the adult fantasy book I'm working on, Murdering Fate. Thoughts welcome!

“GET OUT!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as I chunked an ornate wooden box with my name ‘Jaelyn Firebrand’ inlaid on the front of it across the room.

I'd drop "my name" and make the connection in a follow-up sentence

@nobody I had that at first and then changed it to say ‘my name’. So might go back to that older version. Ty!

@KARiley40 feels like it should be two sentences. Period after lungs, start with “I “. Also. Maybe should be ‘chucked’ not ‘chunked’?

@Boudicca Aheam! Yes.. :cough: This may be still draft 2. Hehehe! Ty!

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