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I've asked this before but can someone please explain this to me it is apparently me

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I drop all my papers on the floor, flustered I drop to my hands and knees trying to collect them, comically they keep blowing away and slipping. A gentle wet noise grabs my attention and I look up. I see a hand holding all my (neatly organized and collated) papers, I blush and thank the sentient ground beef golem. They, at least I think they, laugh and speckle my glasses with finely marbled protein oddment and I suddenly know who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

(Meat Cute)

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My robotic Italian chef is really putting the "tomato" in "automaton"

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The first song I ever played on FCC regulated airwaves was ODB - I got your money and I had to censor it by hand because i hadn't figured out how to find the censored version through the library yet.

Anyway: "I don't have no trouble with you fucking me, but I have a little problem with you not fucking me" is still top 10 lyrics.

selfie, ec, boosts ++ 

My gf keeps saying she found a really cute cat we should foster/adopt and then it's this shit

How many times do I have to scream into this void until it will pay attention to me, like, damn void, quit playing with my heart.

Alright it took two weeks but i've officially fucked up the skin on my hands and it's time to start upping the lotion regime.

washing my hands so i can just rub my face everywhere just go wild touching my face i'm vogueing baybee

Food 

Does the eracist erase racism or just do a racism online (e-racist)

Just the kind of absolute garbage drivel sputtering baby noises that come out of your mouth when you're feeling an emotion for the first time ever when you're like 12???? But these people are adults.

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Watching netflix's "Love Is Blind" and just truly floored at how much of the show is middle school love poems.

stopped hacking darts out of respect and awe for the spikey crow disease 19 and now whenever i need to move my bowels i get huge cravings for the death sticks.

Legit what is the deal with people who just copy and paste viral tweets into Mastodon. I see this shit all the time and it's just bizarre as hell

Pitching a funny cartoon show for Netflix and, in fact, we love you yulegen.

if you think socially-meaningful scalar measures are real fuck you. go to a life drawing class and I'll show you how fucking contingent your perception of scaled qualities is all over your sketch

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