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I've asked this before but can someone please explain this to me it is apparently me

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I drop all my papers on the floor, flustered I drop to my hands and knees trying to collect them, comically they keep blowing away and slipping. A gentle wet noise grabs my attention and I look up. I see a hand holding all my (neatly organized and collated) papers, I blush and thank the sentient ground beef golem. They, at least I think they, laugh and speckle my glasses with finely marbled protein oddment and I suddenly know who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

(Meat Cute)

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My robotic Italian chef is really putting the "tomato" in "automaton"

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the cool thing about Emma Goldman is that she's one of the only anarchist theorists who doesn't have a section on their wikipedia page titled "Anti-Semitic Views"

i question every decision i ever make that doesn't garner me immediate and effusive praise

Weird science but me, @swirlz and @nuttgodd are the nerds and @tiljar is the scientifically perfect babe of our dreams

Johnson and johnson presents NEW flushable lasagna, available in original, ocean breeze and lemon pine scent.

Sexual Healyn (this had been done already right??)

so like, when teaching, if there's a disruptive kid and i say "please be quiet", it is very very common that at least 2-3 other kids will start jumping in "yeah man, just be quiet, Mr. Jewbacchus is trying to teach" or something like that.

It. Never. Helps.

It just creates two conversations and puts the original noisy kid on the disruptive defensive.

Similarly, online, most of the time, let your friends resolve their own conflicts, don't jump in, for the most part it just makes more noise.

I wonder if people realize when they have children that those babies are gonna grow up to be adult human beings. Can you imagine creating such a vile thing?

Instead of becoming good at taking care of life's responsibilities, many people forget there is a second option: just be comfortable never succeeding nor meeting anyone's expectations.

i can breath much better today i'm going to assume someone did a magic ritual in my honor so ty anonymous witch friend.

Fix your bummer with a bumming just one hummer you'll be humming

Brooko cursed me I'm becoming the slime belly cronenberg she made with her accursed art, she's a witch!!

I'm born in the wrong generation, way too early, I'm an incredibly young soul, I'm just a human puddle of jizz for now. I was meant to be born directly into my reality pod and never suffer from exposure to other organisms. I'm a brain in a jar in a millennials body.

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