Pinned post

If anyone wants to add me on discord i'm trying to be social on multiple platforms and also might just stop coming here for a while again so like, dm me and etc so i can maintain connections before the world burns ok ty.

Pinned post

I've asked this before but can someone please explain this to me it is apparently me

Pinned post

I drop all my papers on the floor, flustered I drop to my hands and knees trying to collect them, comically they keep blowing away and slipping. A gentle wet noise grabs my attention and I look up. I see a hand holding all my (neatly organized and collated) papers, I blush and thank the sentient ground beef golem. They, at least I think they, laugh and speckle my glasses with finely marbled protein oddment and I suddenly know who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

(Meat Cute)

The 'cat purring with its mouth open just a little bit' sound, share if you agree

For the last 70 minutes any time I go to lay or sit down in bed or on a couch, the cat comes sprinting and whining and play swatting at me like he desperately wants attention. As soon as I stand up to see what he wants, he walks away and leads me to one of his sitting spots.

He will relax if I pet him or stand still, then ignore me, maybe ask me to play for a few minutes. But I am not allowed to ignore him. What a little king shit.

I hate shopping for clothes I don't understand why I can't dip myself into latex or epoxy every week or so and call that business casual

I don't usually give SNL credit but I like that they went out of their way to call neil degrasse tyson a creep.

It is 65 degrees in my home (about 3 less than I prefer) and the cat will not abide me closing any windows

Cute gay neighbor interrupted his phone call mid-conversation to say my haircut looks good. A true victory.

uggggh i'm gonna burn down the entire US healthcare system

Should I make myself a fried fish sandwich, or make a bunch of rice so my jerk chicken noodle soup isn't so spicy bc i'm baby.

Having seen each ad 4-5 times at least at this point, some details i've absorbed while playing hearthstone:
1. PrEP is not appropriate for AFAB individuals. Also people with Hep C shouldn't take it. Also it may result in a bunch of bad shit.

2. The whiskey is aged in french wine barrels, which is apparently the first time anyone has ever aged whiskey in french wine barrels, which feels like a lie.

3. The bread is "sweet" and "smooth" which they say is what everyone wants in an artisanal bread loaf, but that also seems less than true.

Who do they think I am.

Show thread

Hulu has been serving me only three ads for the last 4 hours, on repeat: Whole wheat bread, PrEP, and whiskey. IDK.

Got healthier food for the cat and an mixing it into his dry food. He looks up every few bites and glares at me when he's eating.

I know i'm hot to trot, and I know i'm hot for Trot, but it's forever a mystery if i'm hot three trot.

Guess what this is still Facebook it's Facebook right here I'm using the meta Facebook fedi app so instead of liking posts my avatar is eating hot dogs that scream as I chew and digest them but the meta verse is so powerful that that's the same as liking a toot here and when I metaburp that's a boost I can't wait to find out what happens when my Metavatar(tm) takes a rancid hot dog shit

The opposite of crime is boobies bc criminals are red-handed and boobies are blue+footed

Little guy content is great but I can only think of a combo between the "I'm just a little guy and it's my birthday" post and Fred Armisen broad city "I'm a little baby"

[ADMIN] MUTED: you were muted for spamming worms (30s)

Sometime i'll be watching a tv show and a family or some siblings or something are having a tough time and one of the tv people will give a rousing speech like "We are the Whitman Family" or "We're the Peterson Sisters" "we don't back down, we get back up. We fight. We keep fighting until we win. Because we've got each other." or some bullshit.

Anyway I like to imagine my family's version of this. "We're the Bacchae family. We eat our feelings, we avoid discomfort as much as possible, and we struggle with the nuances of social etiquette. Now we're going to march into that Sprint store and demand they refund the made up charges we've been paying for the last 4 months, and we're not leaving until we get the phone number of someone who can do it."

Show older
Octodon

The social network of the future: No ads, no corporate surveillance, ethical design, and decentralization! Own your data with Mastodon!