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I've asked this before but can someone please explain this to me it is apparently me

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I drop all my papers on the floor, flustered I drop to my hands and knees trying to collect them, comically they keep blowing away and slipping. A gentle wet noise grabs my attention and I look up. I see a hand holding all my (neatly organized and collated) papers, I blush and thank the sentient ground beef golem. They, at least I think they, laugh and speckle my glasses with finely marbled protein oddment and I suddenly know who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

(Meat Cute)

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My robotic Italian chef is really putting the "tomato" in "automaton"

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Love a southern PBnJ that's Penis Butter and Kentucky Jelly.

Crying in my sleep is the absolute best. This is not sarcastic. I wake up with all the catharsis of having good cry and none of the dwelling on loss or trauma.

Sprayed bleach on my grout to clean it got nauseous, opened a window and closed the door and left. Should probably go take care of that soon.

good morning. today is nothing to me and I will smite it with my mighty sword

Somewhere there's an absolute shithead online called jackasspenguin_ziur or something and they're the densest most evil least intelligent person online. They're just a circus with a goatee. They do everything in mspaint and save images over and over in lossy formats to deep fry by hand.

Since "poly" is Polynesian and "polya" looks like Cyrillic I think people in nonmonogamous relationships should be called polyps

wth is this weird thing! it looks like a cnidarian, related to jellyfish and corals, but it looks like a singular polyp (the coral individual, usually like .5 cm across) but this one is huge!!!!!!! like 20+ cm and looks like a calcified base? maybe a wild kinda cup coral

Dave is real and big leaguing me but frankly I deserve it

full disclosure: It took me 10-15 minutes to figure out why putting my desk fan into my bubble bath to have a big fun bubble party was a bad idea. I immediately knew i shouldn't do it but was really puzzled about what could possibly be the issue.

People complaining about clout on Mastodon is like complaining about someone having too much influence on a Club Penguin fan forum

knuckle tats:

SLFT TWYV

I'll never explain it coward.

I'm telling you I could solve all the world problems if I just cloned myself, replaced every world leader with my clones, and then fed stoney patch kids to all of the world's leaders and invited them to a very large potluck picnic.

welcome to my yakult cult we worship yogurt we are yogurt we go gurt where the yogurt goes.

Sadly this instance has been very stable and I have no opinions and am thus uncancellable, so I have not had a chance to make a new account, but if any of my friends want I can make some alt-accounts and follow from them so I'm not ruining the ratio of empty accounts.

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