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the truth of the flat earth is spreading all around the world

drawing, USpol, Garfield 2/2 

Secretary of War Robert Lincoln, who had been at the station with some others to see the President off, was nearly in shock after seeing his boss, the President, shot, 16 years after his own father, President Abraham Lincoln, was shot and killed.

Twenty years thence, he was just outside the building when President William McKinley was assassinated by gunshot (having been invited to the event by McKinley), and from then on avoided being anywhere near sitting Presidents at any time out of superstition (and, I imagine, care for his own mental health).

Garfield survived, but was in a very poor state. Dr. Bliss felt that the most important thing to do was to remove the bullet, which he routinely fished around for with unclean hands and tools, which of course caused infections within Garfield's body.

(Bliss's career had been badly damaged years earlier when he had embraced the new "discipline" of homeopathy to the derision of his fellow doctors, which allegedly caused him to refuse to consider adopting new theories about the importance antiseptics in surgery.)

Alexander Graham Bell was brought in to attempt to locate the bullet using a metal detector. While the iron bed frame interfered some with Bell's instrument, it is believed that if Bliss had allowed Bell to scan the other side of Garfield's body, he would have located the bullet.

(Bliss was 100% sure about the trajectory of the bullet, and never probed in another direction.)

After 79 days of suffering, bedridden, in and out of consciousness, President James Garfield died.

An autopsy showed that his innards were riddled with infections and pus, all caused by Bliss's efforts to retrieve the bullet, which was found easily by the coroner nowhere near the site of the probing.

Guiteau, who acted extremely bizarre in court (my favorite: he gave his testimony in the form of epic poems), at one point pinned the murder on Bliss ("I admit the shooting; I deny the killing."), which may be the only thing he said at any point that kinda made sense.

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drawing, USpol, Garfield 1/2 

Next in my "Bad President Series" is James Garfield, shown here wearing a mighty fine hat.

Garfield unfortunately died by assassination shortly into his term, and is perhaps less interesting than some of the characters around him: his deranged assassin, Charles Guiteau; his reluctant and frightened VP, Chester Arthur; his unlucky Secretary of War, Robert Lincoln, and his always-wrong chief physician Doctor Bliss (who not only really was a doctor, but also had the given first name "Doctor").

At the Republican National Convention of 1880, Garfield was something of a compromise candidate between a faction that favored Maine Senator James Blaine and one that favored former President Ulysses Grant. With Blaine deciding to throw his support behind Garfield, he won the nomination.

Garfield appointed a Supreme Court Justice, but otherwise accomplished little of note during his term before one fateful day when he was shot in the back by Charles Guiteau, a mentally disturbed man who believed that he had been owed an ambassadorship for giving speeches on Garfield's behalf during the campaign

(Guiteau actually wrote a speech for Grant when he thought Grant would be the nominee, then hastily went back and substituted every "Grant" for "Garfield" when the true nominee became clear, resulting in a bizarre speech that that seemed to give Garfield credit for things that he did not do.)

(Guiteau also never actually delivered the speech at any point, he just had a few dozen copies printed and handed them out on the street.)

(He never paid the printer for the copies.)

Guiteau was apprehended and arrested immediately when he collided with a cop entering the station to investigate the gunshots.

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from each according to their ability
to each according to charlie sheen

work 

i screwed something up bad enough to have to postpone a meeting, then, attempting to take a catnap on my lunch break, i slept through that meeting.

am i TRYING to get fired now?

anyway, he ate my soul. you win some, you lose some.

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when you have the most up-to-date android but still insist on using that shrill 1950s-style phone bell as your ringtone.

A long time ago I alone was hitchhikin' down a long and lonesome website. All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon, in the middle of the timeline. And he said: "Make the best shitpost in the world, or I'll eat your soul." Well, I looked around, And I said, 

people on every social media platform: god i hate this social media platform

more covid mask rants 

(FTR i think costco's policy is pretty stupid, who is going to get a toddler to keep a mask on for 45 minutes while they're shopping?)

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more covid mask rants 

texas law: you have to wear a mask in public unless you are under 10 years old.

costco corporate policy: you have to wear a mask in the store unless you are under 2 years old.

woman on facebook: is not allowed into costco without putting a mask on her 3 year old and blames government overreach.

COVID-19 mask alignment chart 

i'm LG but considering going to CG bc things getting pretty bad

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covid, silly 

so a few years ago, i posted a "happy days" clip on youtube showing the scene where fonzie out-fences "the greatest swordsman in all of france" without either of them wearing fencing masks. i assume due to network liability concerns, it also has fonzie randomly interjecting a PSA that YOU the viewer should never fence without a mask, because that's "not cool."

anyway, that video has suddenly become a hotbed of commentary comparing that bit to people needing to wear face masks in covid times.

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