When my mood brightened and energy surged yesterday, I felt a flash of suspicion. Even if it’s fleeting, it makes me sad that I get suspicious of good moods. But #hypomania always makes trouble in the end, and, well, it ends, along with the good mood and the energy.
It is hypomania. I slept poorly last night, yet at bedtime, I feel like running 5 miles. (And wiped down the bathroom while brushing my teeth.)
I’m keeping things mellow, to make the inevitable crash softer.
sometimes i am looking down at my phone and when i look up there is a bird
expecting a peanut
Picture in your mind that little kid you've see having a tantrum. They're so incapable, oh no, they can't walk (it's just to hard!) or even lift their arm or head (impossible!) and they cry and whine and flop... poor, helpless, tragic souls...
Yeah, that's me tonight, doing a stupidly easy law and policy assignment (my finger hit the keyboard! waaaa!)
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With this quarter’s cable yarding class, I get to watch videos of equipment in action, over and over. I need a carton of goldfish crackers and juice boxes to complete the experience.
when the solution is worse than the problem (humor: anxiety adjacent)
Me: Why does no one want to hang out with me?
<friend hangs out with me>
Me: Will this never end?!?
Me: No one wants to watch the movies I want to watch!
<family watches my movie>
Me: <heart beating, palms sweating> They’re not enjoying this. I can’t take the anxiety! Gotta turn it off! Ack!
do you understand the jealousy of the maw? for what does it devour generations? why does it blind us, bind us, stuff our ears with cotton and lies? it *envies* you. it, lifeless, dreams of living. and oh what it will do to come close to what it can never touch; what it will do to bring you close to the screaming edge of absence itself.
We’ve made pizza every Saturday for weeks. I told my fiancé I’d like a week off, because I have a hard time not eating too much and I’m tired of the chonk. So I bought salami, bread, and cheese and ate that with wine. I spread about a pound of triple cream on white bread. Good call. Sooo much healthier than pizza. 😬
birdie ramble: long thread 5/5 [Phew!]
I really like the Merlin app for quickly IDing our visitors. There’s joy in turning the pages of the Peterson guide, though, that an app cannot match.
Well, that’s it for now.
Thanks for reading about my birds!
birdie ramble: long thread 4/5
My forestry friends would laugh and scratch their heads if I told them about the salmonberry. I never did tell them I planted three vine maples last year.
Northern flickers pop in once and a while. They dwarf the collared dives, which I think of as pretty big birds. Despite their size, they like getting their seeds from the feeder, which seems like half their size.
overthinking as performance art
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