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parents complaining about 'losing a son' to their trans child: is it just a trope you saw on tv and had to act upon or is there a legit fucked up feeling in there that should come up in your next therapy session?

just the universality of this thing, parents expecting their children to completely change overnight, to 'become someone else' as a consequence of a gender variation

and by universality i mean this very specific narrative (which is anything but universal) has had to be pushed over many people. it doesn't grow in vacuum. it's a story told in such a way that people will look at their children through this lens

@CobaltVelvet@octodon.social idk my mom did that, but then i told her "no i'm still the same person" n she was just like "oh ok" and was cool abt it ever since
so think in that case it was just like saw that on tv and kinda misunderstood

@CobaltVelvet our "core" parents did that, but we just told them, "i" am still the same, just not looking the same.

@CobaltVelvet its a fucked up objectification of the process of having a child. You see it as a thing, with a concrete idea of what it is first and deviations from that create disappointment. It's an abusive sort of prison of thought that parents can only love the idea of their children in the same way they love a nice lamp.

@CobaltVelvet Once the lamp is like 'actually I fucking hate glowing I wanna be a bong' they dont love it anymore

@CobaltVelvet you’re reading “losing a son” as “losing a male (child)” but i think many people who use this phase intend it equally as “losing a (male) child”; it’s a disowning statement or performs as one

@CobaltVelvet it kinda sounds really essentialist too, like "there's no way """my son""" and you can be the same person because this (gender) is such a huge difference at a fundamental level that it's impossible to see that you're still you"

@CobaltVelvet I'm not sure how to express it, and I see now you've talked about it in another toot (becoming someone else as a result of gender variation)

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