No matter how much I ponder and note the factors that were out of my control (mostly involving my health), I still can't help but feel I failed horrendously at life.

Puerto Rico is a trap designed to keep you from ever leaving. Ludicrous prices, stupid-high crime rates, hurricanes, weak infrastructure—all designed to keep you from saving what you earn. Leaving for the mainland is the easiest out and in 2008 I took it.

And then I let myself slip, got evicted and got punted back here.

Hindsight keeps torturing with the many should'ves that could've prevented all this. Should've exercised more, should've moved somewhere I could more easily walk/take the bus places, should've transferred my ADD prescription to a local psychiatrist before my old one was arrested for pedophilia, etc.

Instead I linger, wing it despite not knowing much of the world and end up with over $20k in debts in a place that won't even let me work and pay it back.

I keep wondering what it'll take for me to be able to move out again, but every train of thought eventually arrives to "pure luck". Take past year, for example: I order parts for a rig that I could use for work (with help from tge family), mail decides to delay their arrival until months later, the build ends up unusable due to a bad part, I spend months more saving up for a replacement and the moment I get it and start working we get two hurricanes and a months-long blackout.